Chickenshit, Part 1

November 14, 2017

(Taking a break from catching up on bigger life events to change topics for a bit, we’ll catch up with catching up later.)

In 2008, there was a blog post I meant to write, about how chickenshit I was being around infertility. But, I was too chickenshit to write it back then.

An opportunity had presented itself to educate a large group of people about infertility. The whys, the hows, the whos, all of it. A topic I knew better than almost any other.

But it was too raw for me and I didn’t. I just didn’t. I didn’t know if I could get through it without bursting into tears. So I made a choice to protect my (already fragile) emotions and skip it. Which is not actually chickenshit, it’s wise, but it certainly felt chickenshit at the time. It felt like not only could I not make babies, I couldn’t even talk about not making babies. Even though it might genuinely benefit some listeners — based on the odds, there had to be a bunch of infertiles or future infertiles in that audience.

So I didn’t do it, and then I didn’t blog about not doing it. And that felt awful.

But the title of this post says Part 1, so you know there’s more coming.

🐔

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2 Responses to “Chickenshit, Part 1”

  1. a Says:

    It shouldn’t feel awful to do what’s best for yourself. 😦 But sometimes it does.

  2. torthuil Says:

    For me it got easier to talk about fertility as time passed. (And with practice.) sometimes it is just too raw. I don’t think you should blame yourself for staying quiet. But in the long run it is s relief to speak the truth. I’m at the point where I have one child and another on the way, so oddly enough there are no longer obvious clues we struggled to conceive for 6 years. But I still feel I have to be honest about it.


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