Thoughtful Thursday: Effusive

April 26, 2012

Thoughtful ThursdayI just got an email from an old friend.

My dear you are the most wonderful person in the world and you will have such a wonderful success in your new job.

I am so happy for you!!!!

I have never, in my whole life, written anything like that to any friend. To anyone at all, in fact.

At first I chalked it up to English not being her first language, but apparently she’s like this in her native language too.

It’s just who she is.

For many people, if they sent a message like the one above, it would be disingenuous, if they could even get away with it. Not this friend; she really means it. She is genuine and open and so warm.

I do not have an expressive face; I do not feel emotions as strongly as others; I do not tend to say expressive sentiments. Most people, except my children and my husband, and perhaps my blog readers, see very little emotion from me. Even so, it feels marvelous to be on the receiving end of such effusiveness from this friend, or my closest friend, or my husband, or my children, or my late mother, all of whom are tremendously expressive (of the full gamut of emotions, not just love). I may not express much emotion, but I’ve surrounded myself with it.

How effusive are you?


15 Responses to “Thoughtful Thursday: Effusive”

  1. jjiraffe Says:

    This is a really good question. I am pretty darn effusive. Maybe too much so. I build people up a lot and cheer them on. I used to be a cheerleader, and I was also in PR, but the tendency to support people I really like and love with kind words seems to be innate. I always mean what I say: I really am that enthusiastic about wanting people to do well.

    My husband often worries I come across as a phony. He’s very brusque and no-nonsense.

  2. Sara Says:

    Very much not. However, one of my cousins, his wife could send an email like that entirely sincerely. She and I have daughters 19 days apart in age, and our email exchanges while pregnant and later were very illustrative of our differing natures. We were equally happy and excited, but her emails and FB posts use *a lot* more exclamation points than mine!

  3. St. Elsewhere Says:

    Face to face, it is very difficult for me to hide my emotions…if I am happy, it shows. If I am sad, it shows. If I am tired, it shows.

    But I can’t say for sure that my words will always match the emotion I feel when meeting someone…sometimes, I will have such a swelling of emotion internally, but no matching words will escape my mouth. It is only if the other person can read me through their eyes, that they will know how strongly I feel.

    And then sometimes, I can be very very expressive. I am not sure what guides me to show both kinds of behaviour, but I do reflect both kinds.

  4. clumsykisses Says:

    I’m not, at all. I find it hard to show my emotions. I’m slightly better in email because it’s not face-to-face

  5. strongblonde Says:

    for the record, i googled effusive so that i would know if i was thinking of it correctly πŸ™‚

    i’m very effusive with b and the kids. and sometimes with close friends. i worry about it being interpreted the wrong way. as an example: i have been trying to be very supportive of my friends who have the baby with biliary atresia. he will need a liver transplant. while i have not gone through THAT, i remember how i felt when i had cancer and was going through treatment. i didn’t feel that anyone was supportive. i felt alone. so i’m using what i learned during that time to be more supportive to my friends going through a difficult time. while talking with them yesterday we chatted about how some of their friends and family members are showing their support a LOT…as in seemingly for personal gain (attention, etc). it is because of things like this that i limit my personal displays of emotion. with regards to POSITIVE emotion/pleasure/approval/gratitude….I just wasn’t raised that way, so sometimes it seems alien coming from me.

    but i’m trying to be better with my own friends and family!

  6. Ana Says:

    Definitely NOT verbally effusive, but my eyes/face usually give my emotion away. I hate that, because I don’t WANT to show emotion, but my face betrays me.

  7. Elana Kahn Says:

    I’m definitely expressive in my facial expressions and actions, but with words I only say what’s needed. I do cheer people on, but not overly so. However, when over the top cheering is needed, I can do that too. πŸ™‚

  8. Shelby Says:

    Funny thing is, I’m extremely expressive with positive emotions. I could have been a cheerleader. I’m naturally a little hyper and silly and have a lot of energy surrounding good things. And I will show my empathy very openly for others, so in that respect, I can be at home with negative emotions for them. But very few people see my own melancholy when I’m feeling it. You can hear it in my words as I tend to be more negative, but generally, I do a good job of hiding it. I rarely cry in front of anyone but my DH and only express my deepest anger or sadness in writing or to him. Otherwise, most people surrounding me are led to believe (unless it is a rare moment of confession) that the things that plague me the most (my mother’s death, not being able to have a second child, feeling a lack of success in my job) are tiny footnotes for me when in reality, I am barely dragging myself through the days now. In other words, I wear my heart on my sleeve for others, but never for myself. I protect and hide that with quite the armory.

  9. Shelby Says:

    By the way, I wanted to add to my last comment that most people are very clear when I love/like them, but those whom I don’t care as much for have no clue because I hide myself so well. I’d like to not think of it as two-faced, but rather, strategic.

  10. Tara (TIMO) Says:

    Had to Google to make sure I had the correct word. I did.

    I show my emotions quite easily but I’m not an emotional person. It’s hard for me to get overly excited for someone else without it seeming ungenuine. I’m just not that type of person.

  11. I can’t believe you shared my message to you with the world!


    I tend to be more effusive in writing than in person, but I don’t think I’m overly so in either situation.

    P.S. You are pretty wonderful.

  12. Mel Says:

    I have been described as very effusive. And I show emotional fairly easily, probably much to my disadvantage since people know exactly what I’m feeling in the moment. I feel emotions in a big way, and sometimes I think that seeps out in showing them in a big way.

  13. I’m really effusive in real life, less so in writing. What’s funny, though, is that I often forget how effusive I am because I live in L.A., which makes me feel very understated in comparison to most of the actors I know. When I go home to St. Louis or spend any amount of time in Washington D.C., I’m suddenly reminded that I’m a bit more effusive than most. πŸ™‚

  14. Cat Says:

    I’m not naturally effusive, but I’m trying to be more. After joining the online IF forums and chats and blogs, I found that the comments I found the most encouraging and enjoyed reading the most were the ones that were more expressive. The ones that are clearly over the top rub me the wrong way, but the ones that are genuine are so wonderful to read and receive. It’s not that I don’t feel those feelings, but I wasn’t raised in a house where saying our feelings out loud was done, ever. So it takes effort and thought, but I’m trying to incorporate more of that into my habits. It’s very easy to do with my kids, but gets easier with others the more I do it.

  15. I have often been labeled as a “realist” because I don’t easily show emotion (although the whole IF journey has made me a lot more emotional). I do however shower my kids with lots of love and emotion

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