Thoughtful Thursday: Quitter

November 6, 2009

Thoughtful ThursdayWelcome to November. Wow, what an October I had. Anyway, here are the Intelligentsia (people who have commented on every Thoughtful Thursday post for the month of October).

Wiseguy from Woman Anyone? still holds the record with 10 out of 10 Intelligentsia appearances.

Close behind is Ernessa from Fierce and Nerdy, back for the 7th time.

Photogrl from Not the Path I Chose makes her 6th appearance.

Jules from Just Multiply by 2 and Lost In Translation from We Say IVF, They Say FIV are both four-peating.

Two-timers include Elana from Elana’s Musings, Mel from Stirrup Queens, and Stacie from Heeeeere Storkey Storkey.

Thoughtful Thursday(Discussion of infertility as well as baby issues ahead.)

I’m a big advocate of cutting losses. People tend to stick too long with things that just aren’t serving them well. For example, spending more on car repairs than the car is worth, or staying in a bad relationship because of all the years you’ve already invested. You started eating a cookie and you don’t like it? Throw the rest away!

Simultaneously, I refuse to be a quitter. Sometimes I take on challenges that are beyond me, then I have to keep going until I’ve seen them through. Household repairs, for example — I don’t even enjoy them, and in the four hours it took me to do that plumbing repair, I could have earned enough to pay a plumber to do it in half an hour.

Or, to use another example, infertility. I never got close to that point, but I think that if treatments hadn’t succeeded when they did, I would have kept going with IVF cycles until I ran completely out of money, the physical ability to continue, or time.

Now I am faced with a similar situation. A few days ago I alluded to having had a hard time lately [and many people were kind enough to comment or email with support, thank you]. There’s a lot of things contributing to it, but probably the biggest one is breastfeeding.

Put simply, breastfeeding is not going well.

Right after birth, I couldn’t nurse for quite a long time because the babies weren’t able to feed by mouth. Then, once they could start practicing, their level of prematurity meant that nursing did not come naturally to either of them. Tamale has nursing down quite well now, but for a long time her little cheeks got tuckered out very quickly. Burrito’s problems have improved but still continue even now that he’s in the full-term range. I love that little guy with all of my heart, but nursing him is not my favorite time together: biting, blocking his mouth with his tongue, and flailing his arms for several minutes each time before he can nurse properly really pushes me over the edge sometimes.

The biggest problem, however, is my milk supply. The culprit, apparently, is losing almost half of my blood volume during delivery. Plus, who knows if I ever would have had a full supply — many women can’t make enough for two babies, and some women’s bodies never make enough milk for even one baby. Sometimes I do everything right and pump every 2-3 hours. Sometimes I get frustrated and pump just a few times in a day. Either way, the amount of milk doesn’t seem to vary. I’ve seen many lactation consultants. I’ve tried fenugreek, which doubled my supply — but 2 times a tiny number is a slightly less tiny number. I’ve tried power pumping, which doesn’t seem to trick my body into making more milk the way it should. Nursing the babies directly doesn’t seem to make a difference, so at this point almost all of their feeds are by bottle, either formula or, once a day, pumped breastmilk. I produce enough for about 5% of their total intake. The only possibility left is to try to increase supply using strong drugs, but my emotional functioning is already so tenuous that I’m afraid I couldn’t handle the side effects.

I believe strongly in breastfeeding, for all sorts of reasons. I always envisioned that I would nurse for a long time (and that it would be idyllic, like people say). I’ve long ago given up on the hope of exclusive breastfeeding, and I’ve accepted that it’s not always fun, but pumping nonstop to yield only 5% is really frustrating. Several people have suggested that I give up, reclaim those many hours a day, and spare myself the heartache.

But, right now, I can’t. My body took so many years to create them, and my body couldn’t gestate them as long as I wanted, can’t my body at least feed them? Plus, I’m too wedded to not being a quitter. I should know better. I should be willing to cut my losses. Right now, I am stuck. My head and my heart both want to continue, but my head and my heart also both know that I should move on.

At some point, perseverance becomes stubbornness.

What are the limits of your perseverance — with family-building or with other realms of life? How much do you value not being a “quitter”?

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33 Responses to “Thoughtful Thursday: Quitter”

  1. WiseGuy Says:

    Well, I am glad you divulged the problem. Even though I can’t help in that department, I am sure there would be several who will have wise words and fruitful suggestions to that end.

    I am paradoxical in terms of my quitting habits. If I turn stubborn, nothing will stop me. Or I may wake up someday and decide not to do it, and nothing will keep me on the path.

    My brother learnt driving very easily. It took me a long time to be adept at driving. My parents got me a bicycle and it took me more than a year to get smooth with it. But, I remember the last few days of the breakthrough. A metal thing was out right above the right pedal, and somebody held my bicycle from behind. I started pedalling, and immediately there was a cut on the right ankle. In a little while the gentleman behind me had left me to handle the cycle, and I was super-excited to be able to balance on the cycle and pedal through. The metal thing cut me atleast four times, but I was on fire and did not quit. Not only did I go on and on, I even applied brakes and did not fall when stopping finally. I always think of that evening as one that told me that there was something within me, a stubbornness that could swallow me whole, if it came to it.

    But let’s talk of Caesar III. A favourite game for a long time, I got so stuck at a level, that I have stopped playing the game entirely. It does not excite me to play the previous levels, and I don’t get to the next. So, it is just a full stop.

    As far as IF is concerned, I know that I will not stop. I will not quit and that is fuelled by the conviction that there are rainbows in the end.

    I have never really thought about how much I value my non-quitting. I do, however despise my laziness, because sometimes, I tend to go slack as I reach closer and closer to the goal.

    Professionally, I would tend to say that I am not a quitter. But one incident last year does make that statement little less true.

  2. nishkanu Says:

    I’m not sure if I can answer in general. I am a pig-headed person but that manifests itself in a variety of ways.

    RE infertility, I quit treatment after 5 IVF cycles. I would have quit after 4 cycles, but my husband begged me to do one more. I was so worn out from cycling, I had gotten to the point where even if the doctor had said “Now we know what’s wrong! I give you an 80% chance of success on the next cycle!” it would not have been worth it to me.

    We moved on to DE. I would have quit DE after 2 cycles too, I had had enough and was ready to adopt. But, my husband again said “please just one more.” That’s when it finally worked.

    Not quitting may be a sign of strength, but I am not proud of how long we stuck at infertility treatments. I am kind of embarrassed to tell people how long we tried and what we went through. It smacks more of desperation than of towering strength. I think overall we would have been better off to quit a long time ago and adopt our children. Although of course now I am very happy with the little one who is about to make his/her grand entrance.

    RE breastfeeding, I have seen some of my friends and relatives really struggle with breastfeeding. Watching how much effort they put into it, how hard it was for them, and how much guilt they gave themselves for it not working made me swear to myself that if I were in their position, I would not do the same thing. I plan to breastfeed and hope that it will work, but if it doesn’t, I will walk away and not look back. Having said that, that’s my feeling, it doesn’t have to be yours.

  3. jill Says:

    What a crappy situation for you :/ I’m sorry you are going through this.

    I actually think I’m usually a big quitter, or I just never start anything to begin with. The things that I tend to stick with are things for which I’m accountable to someone else.

    For example: I would never just not show up if someone was expecting me. I would never quit my job without an incredibly good reason, even if it was sucking the life out of me, because my husband and my animals depend on me making money. If someone was helping me with a project (cleaning out the garage on a weekend) and plans were set, I would always follow through.

    However, if I’m only accountable to myself, quitting is a huge possibility.

    As for cutting losses, I’m not so sure. I would probably throw out food that sucked… eventually. I’d try to like it first, especially if someone else made it for me. I’ve cut my losses in a big way before (divorce) and I think I will always regret what happened.

  4. a Says:

    I am a total quitter, unless it’s something really important to me. Then, I am immovable. This has served me well in getting jobs, and in having my daughter. Once I set my mind to getting something (or making it happen), I get it done. However, there are very few things that are that important to me.

    One of those things was breastfeeding – it was something I was determined to do, and I got no support whatsoever. My husband was always pressuring me to give our daughter formula. My mom was absolutely useless (breastfeeding grosses her out). My MIL, who actually did breastfeed her children, was not very useful, but at least she wasn’t cutting me down. It was very hard work (which I expected), my supply wasn’t there (also expected), and I ended up supplementing. For you, my useless opinion is this…think hard about whether breastfeeding is good for everyone. If your son is having troubles, he’s not enjoying his meals any more than you are. I would say, persevere, but be ready to give it up without guilt. You can always continue comfort nursing* at nap/bed times – that might take your supply worries away, and make it more comfortable for all of you.

    *feed them formula an hour before, and then nurse when it’s time to sleep. They are still full enough to not get frustrated, but they’ll get some health benefits. My girl was willing to do this, but I don’t know if all babies will.

  5. Sara Says:

    Hi–

    Think about what is going to make you happiest- comfort nursing? pushing through to more supply? Moving to all formula? – then do it without looking back…

    Sara

  6. Two Kayaks Says:

    I went through this in August. I cried nearly every day because I didn’t have the supply to feed my babies. I would pump for 20-30 minutes and get one ounce…that’s it. At this point, I would need 1.5 liters to feed them. Not happening. I am still nursing them, but not for feeding. I don’t consider making the decision I did “quitting”. I chose what was best for me and my babies at the time. I was miserable, crying, and feeling inadequate. I wasn’t enjoying my time with them because I was watching the clock in anticipation of the next feed. I decided to enjoy my babies instead of worrying constantly. It saved my soul. They are still getting my breast milk, but it isn’t their main source of food. I am happy with this.
    Do I wish that I could have been the main source of food for my babies? Of course. But, at some point, my well being directly influences them.

  7. Beth Says:

    Long-time follower, never commenter. However, I feel you on this (as with many of your posts). My son went from the 90th percentile to the 15th while I persisted in exclusively breastfeeding and, although we had already gone a long time, I felt like quitting would be failure. Then I learned that almost everyone around me had stopped breastfeeding far earlier for a variety of reasons, some very familiar. It would have been good information to know when I was struggling. I have trouble quitting when I should. Boyfriends back when I was dating. Pre-med major when I was failing Chemistry. But ah, the relief that comes with accepting you did what you could. Good luck in deciding what is best for you and your family and please include your mental health in that equation. Either way, you’re a good momma for thinking so carefully about it.

  8. loribeth Says:

    As someone who decided to live childfree rather than continue treatment (& move on to IVF) or adopt, I’m sure there are some IFers out there who would view me as a quitter. All I can say is everyone has their own breaking point & I knew when I had reached mine. How many times can you bang your head against a brick wall before you realize this really isn’t helping & is actually hurting? You either have to find an alternate route around that wall, or move off in another direction completely.

    I’m of no help when it comes to breastfeeding, but like Nishkanu, I have seen many of my friends struggle endlessly with it. I’ve seen a lot of guilt but also a lot of relief in switching to the bottle. Breast may be best, but sometimes the cost outweighs the benefits. Of course, it’s entirely up to you to decide what your own personal costs & benefits are.

  9. niobe Says:

    I’m a total quitter. In fact, I usually quit before I even try.

  10. Ninali Says:

    I am not a quitter never have been and probably never will be…most likely the jock in me. With all my history in sports through college you were never allowed to be…so I am sure it stems from that. I am determined and with all things I drive to push through to the end.
    I remember one of the nurses with my son when he was born said to me something that really chapped my hide and made me not give up hell or high water to keep nursing. My son was 3 weeks early and had a hard time latching on at first in the hospital and I was so determined that I would get it but it just wasn’t happening and she told me “oh don’t worry not everyone can do it…it’s ok if it doesn’t work out for you.” Um…like hell!…of course that was my thought for me. I don’t put that pressure on others but for me nursing was important…so by golly there was nothing that was going to stop me…who was she to tell me I couldn’t do something…LOL. I exclusively nursed for 13 months as a full time working mom. πŸ™‚ Now everyone is different and you are right some women just don’t produce enough and with the babies being early and unable to latch on right away I am sure it’s been a hard transition. Like one of the previous comments said…do what will make you happiest, and don’t look back. Supplementing, nursing or straight formula…your babies will be healthy no matter what because you love them and are providing for their every need in what ever way you choose. Pat yourself on the back and give yourself credit for sticking to it this far…you are by no means a quitter…far, far from it! Take care! πŸ™‚

  11. ana Says:

    I’m glad you’re posting about this, I’ve had friends go through this, and the guilt (internal & external, from well-meaning but clueless bf-ing advocates) is enormous. I’ve been thinking about this a lot & have decided oh-so-logically that I will try my best but quit if it is making me, my family, or my child miserable.
    I don’t think it’ll truly be that easy to quit, though. I am very anti-quitting in my own life—even if I make up my mind to quit something, I will often take it back up again or convince myself to keep going. This has been the case for work, hobbies, home-improvement projects, relationships and friendships… I was never even near to considering quitting in the IF journey yet,but I’m sure it would take some serious reasons for me to stop.
    I don’t think it has anything to do with being strong, it almost seems like the path of least resistance for me to continue something than to stop it (doesn’t inertia work that way, too?) and stubborn-ness.
    Its in the same category as “saying no”, something I am trying to learn to do more effectively, also.

  12. Photogrl Says:

    *sigh*

    I wish BF was going well for you…I can feel your frustration seeping through the words. It really doesn’t seem fair, does it?

    I struggled with BF, too. We were okay until I had to return to work. Work wasn’t very helpful with pumping, and honestly, pumping didn’t work very well for me. So, I made the very hard decision to supplement. It worked for us. I know it doesn’t work for everyone.

    It’s a really hard decision to make, but stopping BF isn’t quitting. Honest.

    ((HUGS))

    As for me being a quitter…I’d like to think I’m not a quitter, but I’m not sure I’m not.

    If this 2WW doesn’t end in a BFP, I’ve already decided that I can’t even think about the future until next year.

    It might just be the end of the road.

  13. Kristin Says:

    I’m quite stubborn and bull headed about most things. Sometimes, this even applies to situations where I think I would bow out. Before IF, if you had asked me how long I would keep going…how many losses I would go through to have the third child I desperately wanted…I thought for sure I would stop sooner. I surprised myself and kept going long after I thought I would hit my end. I felt driven.

  14. Lavender Luz Says:

    I think I’m more on the “cutting my losses” side. Back before the ALI community, when I was enduring IF alone, we cut our losses after only 1 try. Now, reading about the lengths other people go to, I think, “Wow! Where do they get all that money!?” No, really, I think, “How could they endure loss after loss?”

    And also, I am so happy that things turned out the way they did for us. So in this, cutting my losses led to great gains.

    I have no advice for your conflicted head and heart. Except to say that I hope you are gentle with yourself, whatever you decide.

  15. k.ashi Says:

    Delurking!

    Ah, man! This has been weighing heavily on my mind. I am 26 weeks pregnant with b/g twins and my biggest fear is that I won’t be able to bf. I have known about my tubal infertility for 5 years, and in the beginning I decided I was going to be at peace with whatever happened. One of buddha’s 4 noble truths is that “attachment is the root of all suffering” and while I am not Buddhist I do try to keep this in mind when I am experiencing any fear/anxiety/frustration/etc.

    A couple of years later when I met my husband one of the first things I told him was that I was a)most likely infertile and b)not sure I would be willing to go through IVF. But, I saw how important it was to him to at least try, and that made me change my mind. We got lucky on the 2nd round of IVF, and here we are! I don’t think I would have considered myself a quitter if we had stopped after 1 or 2 or 2n+1 because I was already of the mindset that my happiness in life was not dependent on me having biological kids. I wasn’t even attached to having adopted kids…I always felt like if it wasn’t meant to be that there would be some other purpose for me in life.

    Before I knew about my infertility I of course had many notions as to how my mythical pregnancies would look. I have so far given up many of these previous attachments surrounding pregnancy—my first was having an unmedicated home birth. Obviously with twins that is out. Another one has been to not go crazy with baby stuff. But here I am buying every available pacifier/teether/toy in sight (mostly out of fear that I will need them as I am home alone taking care of 2 babies). But my big huge attachment has been breastfeeding. Funny, I am more attached to the idea of breastfeeding then I was to the idea of having a baby.

    So, here I am—hoping it will work out so that I can feel like my body is doing at least 1 thing it is supposed to. If it doesn’t work, I will not let it cause me any suffering and I definately won’t view myself as a quitter if I decided to stop being miserable—I would view that as a brave step toward having more inner peace in my life.

  16. Luna Says:

    I don’t think you should view it as quitting. As loribeth said, it’s about personal limits. And as lori said, cutting your losses. You can view it is what you have been able to do vs. not do. Maybe you can be the supplement for comfort nursing instead of expecting a full supply. That way you don’t have to view it as failure.

    I tried to induce lactation and am in a similar position. Pumping just got to be way too much for so little return. I wish it had been different but grateful for what I was able to do. Can’t belive you have any time to pump at all. Sometimes something has to give. Be easy on yourself, whatever you decide.

  17. mel Says:

    I had the same situation–it hurt too much to quit. But it obviously wasn’t working. My heart is with you and I’m here to talk out the decision if you need a good vent to either let go or keep going.

  18. Dora Says:

    Oh, hon! I just hate hearing your frustration. I want you to enjoy this tiny baby time. Infancy goes so fast. I don’t know what to tell you to do, as I am a stubborn non-quitter, too. But one thought has occurred to me. This could be a good opportunity to practice being less stubborn. Chances are the Burrito and the Tamale will inherit some of your stubbornness. Somebody’s got to give. Sometimes it should be mommy. πŸ˜‰

  19. Heather Says:

    I had to stop nursing the boys at 7 weeks. They were in the NICU for 6 weeks and my supply was fine until we were home and they were nursing all the time and my supply went down. I have to admit, I didn’t feel horrible or like I was quitting. It was just too much and I felt it made me feel better to switch to bottles. It was also nice being able to let my DH take a night shift once in a while so I could have some sleep at night. We couldn’t do that nursing twins. Hang in there.

  20. Shinejil Says:

    Any milk you give them will be a great gift. Have you tried a nipple shield w/ Burrito? Bruiser has similar moments but has been learning to latch well thanks to the shield. But it’s also a pain in the ass, though less so than pumping.

    Giving up is totally an option. Better to have a sane mom than breast milk,hands down. I know I’ve been tempted, and I’m only feeding one…

  21. Jamie Says:

    I am the ultimate “non-quitter”. I will and have put myself through hell to achieve my goals. 5 IVFs to conceive my first and about a million other examples in my every day life of things that everyone told me to give up long before I achieved the goal.

    That said, I think there are some things in life that you do have to give up. Now that I’m a mom, I can’t travel the world and be a good mom. I can’t work 90 hours a week and be a good mom, etc. You have to make choices and you may quickly find that you can’t be a good mom and breastfeed — and that is okay!

    One tidbit — the most valuable aspect to my own breastfeeding success — consistency. I pump every day at the same time. I feed at the same intervals, etc. I think this helps my body a lot to understand how much it needs to produce at what time. I also eat a TON and drink a lot of water. I still have moments where I question my sanity for trying to breastfeed twins…

  22. Elana Kahn Says:

    I was honestly ready to do whatever it took to get pregnant, but being a “quitter” doesn’t actually matter to me much. I was getting very tired of the whole process, but I may have needed to take a few months break after that first IVF (had it not worked), because it was just so stressful. I may even wait a long time TTC #3 before starting in on treatments because I remember how stressful it is and I’d rather try on my own for a while–now that I have two beautiful kids and it doesn’t matter quite as much if or when I have another.

  23. mekate Says:

    sweetie, I know this is about quitting or not as a more general thing But I want to say this: please do whatever is right for you– whatever is right for you will be right for your family. You count.

    and
    about quitting, I suck at it.
    I suck at going forward, I suck at changing my mind, I suck at taking action. I do not know ever how to balance regrets and do the right thing. Often I do things anyway, in spite of… but I stew, I worry, I circle, I stay awake, i wonder and I rarely feel Yes This is the Right thing. When I do? I rejoice and do it.

    thinking of you.
    thinking of you.
    Kate

  24. Julie Says:

    I try to see the “end” value – if soemthing’s truly not working / not efficient then I’ll usually decide whether it’s worth continuing. Underneath it all I hate “quitting” but on the other side, I have limited time and resources and should devote what I have to something that’s going to have a positive result. On “larger” aspects I tend to allow mysef an out versus smaller ones.

    For actual examples – I felt better mentally that our long term plan was to stop IF treatments ahead of financial constraints. Just my state of mind. Same with the feeding topic. I tried, my supply even with trying countless things was horrid, so in the end, the situation as a whole was better once I stopped. However like the household repairs or something a little less on scale, I’m stubborn and will have it out until the end.

  25. Denver Laura Says:

    One of my posters sent me to your blog. I’ve been writing about quitting quite a bit recently. We went through 2 rounds of cl0mid and 2 IUI. After some marriage and financial issues, we quit. I don’t want to really say “quit” because I’m not sure that even with intervention there would be a success. And then at what cost, financially and to my marriage? We are actually taking a year off. GASP – in the infertility world this is forever! But when we get back into it, we will be fostering.

    My own mother couldn’t breastfeed because she didn’t have enough supply. She felt enormously guilty. I for one cannot remember, so I’m guessing as long as the babies get fed the only bad effects is your own mindset towards not being able to b/f. I wish you luck in getting to the point where you are comfortable with your decision, either way.


  26. Boy, I pretty much wrote your post (with differences of course). I have a low supply and finally, after 3 weeks of borderline depression over it, have given up our breastfeeding/ supplementing/ pumping-expressing regimen and now just stick with formula.

    I’m like you, I hate quitting. I feel like I need to keep on going just in case. I think I would have been that way if we kept having losses. 2 were difficult enough but I doubt I would have been able to stop for quite some time. Having our little miracle now rather than later doesn’t change my internal dialogue that if I keep on trying, luck will prevail and I’ll win the coin toss.

    But motherhood has taught me that it’s not about me anymore. It’s what’s best for all of us as a family. My going into post-partum depression was not in the best interest of our family and we all deserved better than to have a frantic, helpless Mom who feels negatively towards her daughter and resents that time spent together. Since “giving up”, we’re all happier and enjoying life as a family. It’s the way it should have been from the beginning but alas, as usual, I take the more difficult path. But I’m better for it I think.


  27. Well, it’s funny in a way, I currently also have a breastfeeding issue, or at least my pediatrician thinks so. At the 4 month checkup length was fine, but weight not according to the curve – doc told me to space feedings out more + let baby cry it out at night (because I told her he’s a bad sleeper). I didn’t follow her advice, because for BF it’s the worst advice to give (I checked with local Leche League) and I’m just not ready to let my baby CIO (and wouldn’t that be weird too if he was crying for milk at night that I would ignore that even though he might have a weight issue?).Have to come back Thursday to see if he gained weight, if not she might tell me I have to complement with formula. But I already scheduled an appt with another doc to have a second opinion. Because I’m not ready to quit BF yet. And I’m not ready to quit thinking that my baby can sleep better with just some gentle help instead of CIO (of course he just started a growth spurt, so everything is out of whack again).

    Regarding IF, I don’t know how long I would have continued with treatment. Maybe doing 6 unsuccessful IUIs is sign of no-quitting (or more of afraid to go on to IVF)?

    Time will tell if I’m right or just stubborn… (but I do believe you have to follow your instincts, even if it’s hard with all the ‘advice’ you’re getting left and right).

    (I do apologize for using my current ‘obsession’ for the quitting/no quitting example – you might find it ridiculous that I’m complaining about maybe having to stop BF after 4 months while you’re struggling with it now)

  28. strongblonde Says:

    😦 i totally get this. i didn’t lose this much blood, of course, but our babies were born around the same time and spent some time in the ICU and we had difficulties breastfeeding at the beginning, too. Baby girl would latch on, but freaked out for 10 minutes and used a lot of energy, so we couldn’t feed her. Baby boy just didn’t get it. He fought the whole process. I knew that I wanted to breastfeed, but I always said that if it didn’t work I would be fine. As it turned out I felt like a failure. things are a little better now, but…i get this. i just wanted to let you know that you are not alone…

    xoxo

  29. babyreese Says:

    I got your link from joybadluck club, this is not spam. πŸ™‚ I am an avid believer in all things breastfeeding and just wanted to let you know that the kellymom.com forums are slam FULL of experienced women who can SOLVE your problems. Or try your local LLL. I hope your experience gets better!!!

  30. mekate Says:

    I just wanted you to know I am thinking of you and sending warm wishes your way.

    hang in there sweetie,
    Kate


  31. Well, I don’t actually put a value on perseverance or not being a quitter. It’s more than I’m continuously surprised when I don’t quit, what I’m willing to really commit to. With IVF I had an idea that I’d try having kids naturally for a year, then I’d try IUI three times at the most, and then move on to IVF )again three times at the most) then I’d move on to adoption. Luckily IVF worked, but I was ready to quit if it didn’t work. I do believe in follow-through however when it comes to my career. I’ve always finished screenplays, plays and novels and unlike a lot of writers, I don’t have a bunch of half-written stuff on my desktop. But that only applies to writing. I have all sorts of unfinished projects, including my baby shower thank yous sitting around the house.

  32. g Says:

    Been there with the breastfeeding. It taught me that a lot of the stuff I learned in med school was crap.

    Not everybody can do it with pumping, frequent feeding, galactagogues etc.

    Some women do not make enough milk, period. Even for one baby.

    I know how that feels.

    x

    g

  33. Mabelb Says:

    I totally get this. I too said I wouldn’t beat myself up over it but I am unhealthily angry with my body for once again failing to do this baby stuff properly. I feel like a failure every time I open a carton of formula or spend forty minutes trying to coax my body into pumping one ounce. I think it’s par for the course to feel a bit like this after working so hard to get pregnant but I don’t like it one bit.


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