Thoughtful Thursday: Names

September 3, 2009

Thoughtful ThursdayI’ve never been so happy to see a new month arrive. For many people September means back to school, but for me it means that my babies were not born in August. (Still in the hospital, all doing okay.) Here are the Intelligentsia (people who have commented on every Thoughtful Thursday post for the month of August).

Wiseguy from Woman Anyone? continues her Perfect Attendance Record of 8 Intelligentsia memberships.

Kristen from Dragondreamer’s Lair is also working on a Perfect Attendance record, with 6 straight months of Intelligentsia status.

Jill from All Aboard the Pity Boat and Photogrl from Not the Path I Chose brought apples for the teacher and are back for the fourth time.

Jules from Just Multiply by 2 and Lost In Translation from We Say IVF, They Say FIV have shown up for another round, ready with new lunchboxes and pencil cases.

The new students in the class are Ana and Birdless.

Good morning, class. (all together: Good morning, Baby Smiling.) Please be seated, time to begin.

Thoughtful ThursdayLast week, after my unexpected hospitalization, I referred to a Thoughtful Thursday topic that I’ve had in the queue which was very appropriate but too hard for me to address at that point. Instead, I took the easy road and we all dredged up the worst days of our lives.

I’m ready now.

At what point did you pick out baby names? When did/would you assign a name to a particular baby? Is there concern about “wasting” a name on a baby who will not come to be?

If there’s one thing infertiles have, it’s time to pick out names.

DH and I have had a girl’s name set in stone since college, before we were married, before he was DH (DB for Dear Boyfriend?), more than a dozen years ago. It is a perfect name meeting all of my criteria: beautiful, meaningful, not derived from a boy’s name, unusual but not impossible to spell or pronounce (my real name is impossible on both counts, and I would prefer to spare my daughter a lifetime of correcting people). And no, I’m not telling you what the name is.

The boy’s name we’ve only had picked out for a decade.

I’ve never assigned a name to an imagined or real embryo (aside from nicknames like “gummy bear”). My past pregnancies didn’t get names, because they weren’t far along enough to know the baby’s sex. If I had known the sex before losing them, I don’t know what would have happened with naming.

In my mind, once I knew the sexes of these babies, I assigned them the names we had chosen. But, I have said them out loud to myself only a few times, even fewer times when talking to DH, and never to anybody else. (Remember the part where I said I’m not telling the names?) Sometimes when I communicate to the fetuses through thoughts or loving whispers, I use affectionate variations of the names, but never the actual names.

DH is even more mum, and even my use of affectionate nicknames derived from the names seemed to make him uncomfortable. The only time I’ve heard him speak the names aloud during the pregnancy has been when we were settling on middle names and we were trying out the combination. (We’ve known that the boy’s name would be some variation of a specific name for a decade but not which exact name until a few months ago; the girl’s middle name has been undetermined the whole pregnancy but a couple of days ago we finally narrowed it down to two possibilities.)

Certainly, part of our silence comes from Jewish tradition not to name a baby before it is born and past a crucial window of the highest infant mortality. That millenia-old tradition fits with the general stance DH and I both have not to count our chickens before they hatch (quite literally, in this case). I know lots of people who call the fetus by name throughout the pregnancy, but it just doesn’t feel right for either of us. And, I think we would both have that stance even without having experienced loss or infertility. I just don’t think we’re the kind of people who’d have the baby’s name written on the cake at the baby shower. In fact, we’re not even the kind of people who would have a baby shower.

Staff in the hospital are constantly asking me the babies’ names (family have tried as well but have given up, knowing that I never budge), and I always have to reply that we’re not telling. If they press me on my rationale for silence, I skip the religious explanation and jump straight to the dead baby reasoning. That shuts them up instantly. Oh, what perverse pleasure I take in jostling complacency.

Even though we don’t say them out loud, the babies seem to have been officially assigned the names we’d long ago picked out. But, in the back of my mind, especially after last week’s preterm labor scare, I’ve wondered whether they would keep the names if they didn’t survive. This is the thought I couldn’t bear to think last week when I put off this Thoughtful Thursday topic.

For the boy, part of the concern about “wasting” the name on a dead baby is that the name honors DH’s grandfather (same first couple of letters, but different names). What does it mean to honor someone with a name when the name can’t actually live on? Would the next son, if I ever had one, get a name to honor both his great-grandfather and his brother? Would he start over with an entirely new name, just as if his brother had lived?

Those are not questions that I can answer right now, and I desperately hope I never have to answer them.

For now, my precious babies have the precious but unspoken names we chose for them before we even starting trying to conceive. As each day goes by with the babies safe inside, I have more and more trust that they will get to keep their names after all. Not that I’m purchasing any name plaques or monogrammed towels or anything — none of that until the chickens actually hatch.

At what point did you pick out baby names? When did/would you assign a name to a particular baby? Is there concern about “wasting” a name on a baby who will not come to be?

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29 Responses to “Thoughtful Thursday: Names”

  1. Elana Kahn Says:

    We had ideas about baby names even before we got pregnant, but we officially picked names after our 18 week gender determination ultrasound. The babies were not “assigned” names until after they were born–my son at his circumcision and my daughter at her naming. There’s no concern about wasting a name because if one of them had (G-d forbid) not been born alive they would not have been named with these names.

  2. jill Says:

    Good morning, Baby Smiling! I’m glad all is well with you and the babies and am sending good thoughts for them to hold out a lot longer! ๐Ÿ™‚

    My baby names have been picked out for years and years (even before DH). One for a boy and one for a girl.

    The boy’s name is first and middle, honoring both of my dads and, as luck would have it, my dad and FIL have the same name. The girl’s name is just a first (no significance other than I have always loved the name) but I have some ideas for a middle that would honor certain people. I have my mom’s first name as my middle name and have always felt special to have it. Because of this I thought about giving mine but “jill” just doesn’t sound right as a middle name.

    However, I rarely talk about names with DH. We would have to discuss in depth if I ever got pregnant and so, these names may never be given to any baby.

    I have never been pregnant so I have no answer to the last two questions. I think I would call the unborn baby by only a nickname and not do any final naming until we saw him/her. I really have no idea what I would do if my baby died before or during birth.

  3. Carrie Says:

    Love to hear from you! First of all, let me say that there is absolutely NO excuse for my absence from the Intelligentsia list since I am confined to the couch with my lap top. That slackerly behavior stops here.

    As for names, we have had one since we found out that we were having all boys. My husband is ____________ the Fourth, so Baby A will be ___________ the Fifth. The two other names are ones we’ve loved a long time, and have middle names honoring family. These names were not really set in stone until around… 24 weeks. Coincidence? I think not.

    As for the name-wasting question, I think my heart jumped when I read that. I’ve thought of it many times but have never said it out loud. Especially during my PTL scare and subsequent hospitalization, I pondered that often. Now, I do say the boys names out loud and refer to them by their names during ultrasounds. I have decided that GOD FORBID something happens to them, these are their names, the length of their life would not waste the name.

    That said, I certainly hope we both get to hold our babies, whisper their names into their ears, confident that they will be called by them for many decades to come.


  4. This is a very sensitive issue for me, too. Before I ever got pregnant, B and I talked about names a lot. Then, when I was pregnant, we kept track of a few finalists. We always said we were waiting to find out their genders before narrowing it down any farther. . .

    But we learned they were a boy and a girl really early on (15w4d) – but. It almost seemed like it was *too* real then, and we just stopped talking about names. They were “baby A” and “baby B,” and we were comfortable leaving it at that.

    When I was hospitalized, everyone wanted to know their names. We just kept telling them – “baby A” and “baby B.” It seemed silly to suddenly decide on names just because everything was going wrong.

    We have since acknowledged to each other that, truthfully, we probably did have finalists picked out. But one was after my grandmother. And one has become a pretty popular boys name. And we’ve said that we’re actually kind of glad we didn’t “assign” them beforehand. We realize now that we’ll probably never use those names, so the idea of not “wasting” them didn’t really play out. But I’m glad, when our neighbor calls to his son, who has our “finalist” boy name, that my heart doesn’t hurt any more than it already does. . .

    Sometimes I wish they had “real” names, so it would be easier to talk about them, and tell others about them . . . it just didn’t turn out that way.

    Sorry for the long respose ๐Ÿ™‚


  5. We had Nae’s name picked out for a long time. We didn’t use it much, until we had the scare with her heart. Then there was a lot of pleading to her so she would be a healthy baby. We never worried about “wasting” that name. It just felt that she should be named that.

    With Zilla, I didn’t want to talk about names at all. I was so scared that if we talked about names, we would jinx the pregnancy. After a few preterm labor scares, we finally decided on a name and started calling him by his name.

    Glad you and the babies are doing well. Tell that cervix to keep up the good work ;o)
    *HUGS*

  6. Michele Says:

    We’ve felt our babies sexes from the beginning and always used their names. I know a lot of people dont, but I cant imagine… I’d rather be wrong and have to switch a boy to a girl or vice versa.

    I know what you mean about flipping the calendar over. It was such a good feeling to go into September and know our twins were still inside.

  7. May Says:

    We always have a short list of 5 or so names, per gender, being thrown about for months, which we don’t share with many people.

    But, I don’t really feel able to assign any of these names to a baby until I see them in person, and see what they look like, see if the name suits them. Although I do have a name for my first miscarried baby, whose gender I don’t know, that I only use in my own thoughts.

    I’m glad things with you are calm!!

  8. rosesdaughter Says:

    I used to have names that I would name my child, way before I even thought about having one. But now, strangly, I don’t remember any of them.

    We have a list of 3 names that are the “potential” names. No one knows but us. I get asked all the time what his name is, and I always say, he will get a name at birth. I never call the baby by his name, I have a special nickname that will probably continue afterwards, since I call him that everyday when I talk to him.

    I don’t think you can waste a name. If the baby was meant to have that name, that is his/her name.

  9. strongblonde Says:

    b and i just finally decided last night on some names. everyone asks us. we originally told people that we were not telling, but people didn’t seem to take that well and would continue to but us. lately my response has been: remember how long it took us to choose a crib and a paint color?? that usually shuts them up.

    what i don’t like at all: b’s family knows he’s a huge star wars fan…(i’m sure you can see where this is going) so they always refer to these kids as luke and leia. it was funny for a minute…but to get presents addressed to them that way? i’m totally over it.

  10. Kate Says:

    I’m only 14 weeks along, with 2 losses behind me. I originally thought I’d wait for a delivery surprise, but have a feeling I’ll need to know the sex at our big scan. DH doesn’t care if we find out or not. He’s had our girl name picked out for years, at least the first name. Boy name is totally up in the air. I think we’re going to end up making a short list of 2-3 for whatever sex we end up with, will tell others the sex, and then say that we’ll decide on a name after we see the baby and get to know it.
    For now, the kid’s called “Boenchen 3” (German for little bean). The two lost babies were obviously #1 and #2. I think I’d have trouble “wasting” a top contender name on a baby that didn’t survive, just because we’re going to have a lot of trouble agreeing on a name.
    It’s an interesting question, for sure. And kind of disturbing/morbid, when you try so hard to think positive.

  11. Jules Says:

    Back when we first said “ok we’re going to TTC” (after a trip we had planned) we settled on a girl name and a boy name. Well while TTC, the girl name was becoming popular (and I really didn’t want to have a top 5 name) Started thinking maybe to change it (then again also started thinking we’d never get pregnant)

    Well found about the twins and then the genders – goodbye perfect boy name. Hubby and I discussed names a few times but could never come up with anything for sure. As well, I just had a hard time putting a name to the babies without seeing a face. They pretty much went by “A” and “B.”

    Never thought the names would be wasted. After talking with MIL, I thought that the babies should have names, even if something were to happen. (She had hubby’s name picked out and he almost didn’t make it, but it was to be his name whatever the outcome.) Although that still didn’t help our indecisiveness. I never could vision what they’d look like and that made it a bit harder to really nail down names.

    We settled on the names the hour before they showed up. One was a name hubby had liked for a long time. Her middle name was the only “long ago” decided one – I wanted one of the girls to have my grandma’s middle name. I originally wanted to wait until I saw them to decide “who was who” but I had the thought of if something were to happen to me, of all things, the names should be set so, in that scenario, hubby wouldn’t have to decide. The name hubby had like for awhile and had been on our list the longest went to baby A.

  12. Jamie Says:

    As you know, we use our babies names and do so from the moment we find out the gender. We’ve had our names picked out since before our first IVF cycle. We finalized them on the drive to the first transfer. And yes, I even had names for twins figured out as I knew that was a real possibility.

    We have also used family names for all of our children and I knew that even if they died, by the point where we knew the gender, we were also emotionally attached to the child. Even if I had lost the twins at 18 weeks — I still would have named them. And after 20 weeks, they receive birth and death certificates, so I would want them to have a name. A name to be remembered by. A name to put in the obituary. And yes, I have had all of those dead baby thoughts — but I would want them to have their names. And once you have made that association with a name to a child, even if that child is lost (my ectopic) it seems impossible to use the name again.

    As soon as I found out that both of our twins were girls I decided that Baby A would be Clara and Baby B would be Anna. Clara is presenting but if I do have a c-section, the first baby out will be Clara, despite their positions now.

    Personally, I’ve never really understood the rationale for not telling the names. Many of my friends have not told simply because they want it to be a surprise or they don’t want to hear negative input about the name(s).

  13. Staciet Says:

    We named our twins, born at 28w3d, when they were 4 days old, and only then because they “forced” us at the hospital by sending in the social security paperwork. The names were chosen after pouring over baby books and selecting names that we liked both the name AND the definition. Then we just put combos together until we both agreed. It sounds kind of emotionless to see it written here, but we did put a lot of thought into what we named them. ๐Ÿ™‚

    We have a girl name that was picked way back at the start of our relationship (18 plus years ago). It is a combo of our names and is very special to me. I am not sure what I would do if we lost a girl pregnancy–my guess is that she would keep the name and I would not reuse it on another child. I hope that I don’t have to find out what I’d do, either.

    I am so glad you are still cooking in the hospital. Hugs!

  14. Lavender Luz Says:

    Now that I think about it, it was the Wasting Factor that led us to not use a name until It Was Time.

    Only SOME who endure IF have lots of time to name. I felt like with adoption (both our children came to us suddenly) that we had very little time, but that was OK.)

  15. Photogrl Says:

    Good evening, Baby Smiling…;)

    We didn’t know what Miss O.’s gender was before she was born, so we picked 2 girls names we loved and 2 boys names we loved. Then, once she was born, we decided which she looked like.

    Of course, that was before any of my losses.

    The idea of actually getting to a point to pick names, hmm…I don’t know if I could do it now.

  16. Cat Says:

    First I have to say that it’s sentences like these that keep me coming back: ‘Oh, what perverse pleasure I take in jostling complacency.’ ๐Ÿ™‚

    As for the names, I worked in recruiting for a while and saw a lot of resumes with a lot of names and started keeping a list of names I liked. When we started talking about names for our triplets we went to that list and didn’t even end up using a book at all. We did not find out the genders so we didn’t name the babies until after they were born. I’ve never felt like I could assign a name until after meeting the baby, much to the chagrin of my engineer husband, so the plan was to have several names of each gender to choose from. The babies came early and we’d only agreed upon two girl and one boy name. We had two girls and one boy, only had the three names we liked, and just went with it. I love our names, so I feel like it all worked out.

    As for giving a beloved name to a baby that may not make it, I’m torn. While I’d want to be able to use the name daily on my living child, giving my departed child a beloved name would feel like I’d done at least one really special thing for him/her. I know I’d remember that child daily by name, but it would be sad to not, say, call out the name when dinner is ready.

  17. WiseGuy Says:

    Am so glad that September came…and that every day is such a blessing.

    At what point did you pick out baby names? When did/would you assign a name to a particular baby? Is there concern about โ€œwastingโ€ a name on a baby who will not come to be?

    I have been thinking of baby names for a long long time….since the time I was an undergrad or something…at that time, there was no concrete basis for thinking about it, or that I wanted to be a mother immediately…it was just a spontaneous kind of a thing.

    While my choice of names keeps on fluctuating, I have a name for the girl picked out for looooong, and it never changed. But I won’t be able to keep the name because it is not Indian, and would be tough for people to spell (its Yvonne).

    As such the names kept on changing, but recently, I have fixed names in my mind and they are likely to be used for my children.

    The thing is that the baby’s aunt (husband’s sister) gets to name the kid, and I am not going to let that happen. Or, she would get to murmur that name in the ears of the baby, which I have picked out.

    The practice is that no names or nicknames are created for the baby till it is born, and then for a boy child, first five names of Gods are given and then the chosen name is revealed to the baby and the world. Similarly, if the infant is female, first names of five goddesses would be taken, and then the baby is given the chosen name.

    As of today, the names of the babies are all picked out!

    Wasting?

    I was asked by somebody to suggest five names for their baby boy, and one of the names that I recommended was a favourite of mine. They did not choose the name ultimately from my list, but I removed that ‘specific name’ from my favourite list, because I never want my child to have a name that was first offered to somebody else and then rejected.

  18. Nishkanu Says:

    I am at 27 weeks and we don’t have any names picked out (we don’t know the gender). We agreed many years ago on the basic naming strategy (what kinds of names would be thrown in the pot) but somehow neither of us really has any interest whatsoever in actually trying to choose a name. We also have zero interest in buying baby items, although we are actively renovating the nursery and eventually I suppose we will have to get some things to go in it.

    I think both aspects come from history of loss. To name the baby, to buy it things, is to say that you actually believe that a baby will come. We are starting to believe this a little bit but not enough to feel comfortable with that giant leap into faith.

  19. Ana Says:

    I’ve always had some names I liked, but DH is not the type to daydream like that. For some reason, we thought this baby was a girl, so we had picked out some girl names that we both liked. When we found out it was a boy, we decided to each go off and come up with a list of possibilities…I have 5 or 6, he has none. My criteria for names are not a bit sentimental, I want a name that is short, masculine, and easy to pronounce, (and not connected in my mind to any loathsome person I have ever met with that name, which eliminates a lot of names!!!) I guess I’ve never had an attachment to a name, a family name with special meaning, or a longterm daydream about having children with certain names…or I just don’t want to get too comfortable. Like Nishkanu mentioned, we are having a hard time thinking about buying things, decorating the nursery, thinking about the baby showers our families want to throw.

  20. Kristin Says:

    With my first two children, it took quite a while to figure out names once we knew the sex. There wasn’t any real fear. We just couldn’t agree.

    When I finally got pregnant with one that stuck around to become my third child, I KNEW the name that child would have if it was a boy and if it was a girl. As soon as we knew the sex, I started calling him by his name. I think part of it was faith that we had finally gotten past the issues that had caused all my losses and part of it was simply refusing to give into the fear. At that point, the name was his no matter what happened.


  21. Since we started TTC I always had a few names in my head, but never really a clear favorite. When I was pregnant and we knew we were expecting a boy, that changed. There was one name I really loved. At first I was afraid to share it with DH, afraid he would shoot it down. But when I finally did, he liked it! So it seemed we had settled on a name, until one of our colleagues had a baby, and gave him the name we had just picked! We felt we couldn’t stick to it and so we had to find something else. For us it was very important to have a name that would work both in French and Dutch, and preferably also in English. We wanted to step away from the burden of giving our child a real ‘family’ name (a big tradition on my husband’s side, preferably the Catholic Latin versions, so names ending on …us) and we finally found something we both liked a lot. We didn’t disclose it to anyone, even though people of course asked. Not so much out of fear, but mostly because we didn’t want any comments or whether or not it would be a nice name or not. Now when I look at my son I’m so glad we didn’t give him that first name that I had chosen – it doesn’t fit him at all.

    I didn’t use the name during the pregnancy, only after I had passed my due date and was urging him to come out!

    I don’t really know about ‘wasting a name’. As we picked ours pretty late, that was never really on my mind (if the baby would not have made it at that stage, he would have gotten the name we picked and we wouldn’t use that a second time, but I would not feel that it would have been wasted either).

  22. Heather Says:

    DH and I have talked about baby names for ages. I mean, we’ve been married for 15 years this October and we just finished having babies. We’ve had a long time. That said, our 8 year old daughter was a high-risk pregnancy and we named her when we found out she was a girl from amniocentisis. We wanted to have her named in case anything bad did happen. To us she was so real we wanted her to have her name. When I was pregnant with “the boys” we spent lots of time agonizing over names. We still wonder if we gave Liam the right name or if he should’ve been Max.

    But I can see your point and your situation. I’m very superstitious and wouldn’t want to tempt fate. Wishing you lots of luck and health for the rest of your pregnancy.

  23. Levon Says:

    With both of my pregnancies, my babies were named in utero, right after we found out their sexes…as in, within minutes of finding out :O) However, i think parents should be permitted to wait until age 6 months, at least, to name their little spawn, as that is only fair. I say all of the time that i would have named them Hagatha, Weezer (from Steel magnolias and i cant spell it), Brutus and Stewy instead of their current names :O) I know how you feel though. Infertility is such a scary, unpredictable thing, you hate to become attached…BUT, you’re more than far enough along to become attached, let go, talk to them, call them by name. You’ll feel more as though you know them if you do.


  24. With my first son we started using his name immediately after the 20 wk sonogram. With our second son, only 3 weeks old, we took a lot longer before we settled on a name and started using it, maybe 30 wks. But once we were using the name we told everyone what it was.

  25. Mel Says:

    There is a thought within loss that you give the intended name to that child regardless of whether the child lives. That it is important to honour that child and treat that child as you would any children. I also think people should do what feels best and right, and those decisions usually come in the moment. What we think we’d do before it happens is sometimes different after it happens.

    Wolvog’s name came to me about 2 years before we had him (ha, ha, back when we thought, “just one more month. Next cycle is OUR cycle.”). I was closing a suitcase and I heard myself say his full name aloud. The ChickieNob’s first name was one we liked and knew we wanted to use, but we didn’t have her first middle name (she has two) until a few weeks before she was born.

  26. niobe Says:

    I couldn’t bear to name my twins.

    Because the boy was stillborn, I didn’t have to choose a name for him. But because the girl lived for a few hours, the nurse told me I had to give her a name for the hospital’s paperwork. I finally just said that the nurse should write down her own name. I didn’t find out what it was until I went down to city hall to pick up the birth and death certificates.

  27. Dora Says:

    Been meaning to comment on this.

    Must say, one of the best perks of being an SMC-to-be is that I get to decide on names unilaterally. Baby girl’s first name was decide before I got pregnant. I had a lot of trouble deciding on boys’ names, but a girl’s name was much easier. I’d always planned on naming her for my father. At some point while cycling, I realized I could use the girl’s name that my ex-boyfriend had vetoed when we were discussing having a child together.

    I did have thoughts about “wasting” the name, but as soon as I found out she was a girl, she had a name in my head and heart. Sometimes I talk to her by name, but more often I call her “baby girl.”

    I have told people her name if they ask, but not my family. They are opinionated and do not hold back. I just don’t want to hear it. Although, everyone I’ve told thinks it’s great, and perfectly suits the feisty New York girl I’m expecting.


  28. I can’t remember if I wrote about this, but we had my name all picked out. It was going to be Mary Elizabeth after my sister and hubby’s mother. And we were even calling her by that name. But when the doctor told me it was probably a girl, I called my husband and told him that something was telling me that I had to name her after my mother. And he was totally down. So we named her Betty Angela after my mother and his sister, even though we had slaved over our original boy and girl names. It almost felt like a vision quest…

  29. loribeth Says:

    Katie was Katie many, many years before I finally tossed away my bcp. It was just a name I liked that seemed nice for a little girl, & it was also the name of my paternal grandmother, who died when I was 14. Dh wanted her proper name to be Caitlin, but that was like the #1 name for girls at the time & I knew she’d probably be one of a dozen on the school playground. Katherine seemed a little “old” for a little girl, so I suggested Kathleen, which is a family name on my maternal grandfather’s side — I thought he would get a kick out of that.

    Her second name was Maria, which is dh’s late mother’s name. Traditionally, Italians name their first girl after the father’s mother & their first boy after the father’s father, then the mother’s parents, then you start in on father’s siblings & then mother’s siblings. I told dh we could name her Maria, because I knew his dad would be pleased, but he said no, her name was Katie, so we used it as a middle name.

    When we found out she was stillborn, we thought about using a different name & “saving” Katie for a possible future child, but we realized in about two seconds that we couldn’t do that, that she was & always would be Katie to us, so that’s what we named her.

    However, she was originally going to have three names: Kathleen Maria Amanda, which was my great-grandmother’s name. We decided to save Amanda for a future daughter (which never happened). She would have been Amanda Claire.

    A boy would have been Michael Vincent Neill — Michael because I like the name, the other two are family names.


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