August 10, 2009

Conversation with random lady (I was buying some used baby gear from her via Craigslist):

Lady: Twins, how wonderful! You must have been so surprised to find out you were having twins!

Let’s stop here. The socially appropriate response would have been, “Oh yes!” A fairly appropriate but still honest response would have been, “Kind of.” Neither of those was my response. At the time I found out there were two embryos, based on the betas we were thinking there might be record-breaking higher order multiples. We were not surprised by seeing two; we were relieved that there were only two.

Me: Surprised? No, not really.
Lady: (awkward silence) Yeah, well, twins are great… (wanders off)

Even without actually mentioning infertility, the mere hint of it sends people running away.

At least she didn’t ask if twins run in my family.


19 Responses to “Conversation-Stopper”

  1. Cindy Says:

    You’re awesome.


  2. Carrie Says:

    Can’t help but laugh. Sometimes it’s fun to make the other person feel awkward and out of place, vs the “twin” mom.

  3. strongblonde Says:


    the most recent response to twins that i got was: “Was it natural, or did you have help?”

    …and that was from a nurse. how do you respond to that? and why do people feel that it’s okay to ask? seriously?

  4. Jennifer Says:

    Yeah, at least you avoided the uncomfortable IF conversation with a stranger. I feel like whenever someone talks about “having twins” these days, the first question on people’s minds is…are they “natural”…did they have “help”…come on people, does it really matter?

  5. Ana Says:

    I like your response, that is a good conversation stopper! Giving people the benefit of the doubt, I think most are just fascinated by twins, given how rare they are—its one of those miracles of nature or what have you. That doesn’t make it any of their business if you “had help” or didn’t, of course. The other possibility (the one that leads ME to wonder about any news of twins) is that people who ask have had brushes with IF themselves(or know someone who has), and want to find out if you have that in common; not necessarily to strike up a friendship or even conversation about it, but just to know they are not alone AND to give them hope, given that you are currently in the position they would like to be in!

  6. jill Says:

    Yeah at least she didn’t ask “oh, are they *natural*?” haha That’s pretty funny – I wonder what she was thinking.

  7. ^WiseGuy^ Says:

    Very uncomfortable…if she bothered with the question, she should have the guts to handle the response.

  8. Kami Says:

    I get that crap all the time! “Does twins run in your famiy?” UGH!!! I feel like saying, “NO MAM, I got knocked up using a petri dish!!!”

  9. birdless Says:

    I think your response was a good one! Who’s to say it is not “socially appropriate”? It was honest and brief, without being preachy or anything. What more can anyone expect?

  10. Kristin Says:

    Most excellent! You rock.

  11. LouLou Says:

    That’s what I call a teachable moment! ha!

    Why do people insert foot in mouth so often? Gosh…

  12. Lavender Luz Says:

    Making people vaporize themselves COULD come in handy, you know.

    I would love to watch you make them squirm.

    Does that make me Wicked?

  13. That is great. AFter awhile DH and I couldn’t wait for people to ask when we were having kids. “We can’t have kids.” was the response and we would walk away.

  14. Oh my. Classic. I like your actual answer rather than the one you could have used. I prefer the simple honesty. 🙂

  15. Heather Says:

    We get the question a lot if twins run in the family and they do on DH’s side. I do have a habit of telling people that it could’ve been triplets, as we had three embryos transferred.

    On the nice side that’s been happening lately, I’ve had a lot of people telling us that they have a twin. It’s unexpected and a much more pleasant discussion about growing up as a twin vs. how we ended up with twins.

  16. Shinejil Says:

    LMAO. I love it.

  17. Carrie Says:

    AW, GAWD! I hate these conversations.

    I keep getting, “do multiples run in your family” and I always say, “Not at all” just willing them to ask if we did fertility treatments. I think they ask about half the time now, but since I have been at home, the obnoxious stranger interactions are minimized. People at the MFM never ask. 🙂 With the anxiety I am feeling these days, someone might find themselves with my protein shake on their face. 😉

  18. BB Says:

    Haha… that’s a good one! 🙂 Thanks for all your support!

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