18w0d: All Eyes on Me

June 16, 2009

This weekend I attended a social event with lots of people that I used to know but haven’t seen in many, many years. It had huge potential for disaster, but went quite well. I didn’t mention being pregnant unless people asked outright — and for once, I had an easy and socially appealing answer to “Do you have kids yet?” Despite the fact that my belly is now bigger than my chest, which I never imagined would be possible, people didn’t guess that I am pregnant just by looking at me. It was more like:

Them: You look great! Do you have kids yet?
Me: We’re expecting in the fall.
Them: Wow! I didn’t even notice. Boy or girl?
Me: One of each.
Them: Wow! Twins! In that case you really look fantastic.

A far cry from the kinds of party conversations I used to imagine in my head:

Them: Do you have kids yet?
Me: No.
Them: Why not? What’s taking you so long?
Me: Uhhhhh…


Them: Do you have kids yet?
Me: No.
Them: Oh, I thought you might be pregnant because of that bulge in your belly.
Me: No, it’s from all of the failed cycles of IUI with injectible medications and IVFs, but thanks for noticing.

I did have one conversation which looked like it might become a nightmare, but instead went fine. A key component to my party nightmare scenario is a group of people crowded around me, staring at me. That’s exactly how it started.

[half a dozen people asking me all sorts of questions about my life and twin pregnancy]
One woman that used to be unpleasant but on this night was very nice: So were the twins created totally naturally?
Me, very nonchalant: No.
Same woman, with a no-big-deal expression: That’s totally fine. You’re going to have so much fun…

I faced a crowd of people staring at me while I answered a question about infertility, and I lived to tell the tale.

Telling family would be another story, but a crowd of acquaintances and former friends is a start.

15 Responses to “18w0d: All Eyes on Me”

  1. Carrie Says:

    That is great! Expect lots more of those, if my experience is any indication. You are doing great and I cannot believe you are already 18 weeks! πŸ™‚

  2. Kristin Says:

    I am so glad it went well. It must feel like a little of that pressure has been lifted off of you.

  3. S Says:

    I’m glad that potentially nightmarish conversation didnt “go there girlfriend”. She took it remarkably well, funny how the people we expect to be difficult actually take it with a grain of salt.

    Congrats again!

  4. Heather Says:

    Congrats on being able to live through the party conversations. I have to admit now that we have 3 kids from IF treatments (our 8-year-old daughter and the new twin boys), I love being able to say we are finished having children.

  5. ^WiseGuy^ Says:

    …And what a pleasant start!

    I hope it continues to be this way!

  6. SCY Says:

    Way to go! I hate *those* conversations πŸ˜‰ but thankfully this time you got to set them right!

    18 weeks already – seems like just yesterday you were doing the last ditch IUI πŸ˜›


  7. Photogrl Says:

    I’m glad it went better than expected.

    Yay for 18 weeks! πŸ™‚

  8. shinejil Says:

    Congrats on 18 weeks!

    People are so funny: they have to know, but they don’t really care.

  9. Imogen Says:

    The natural question is always asked without them even blinking like asking the time.

  10. Nice work! You did a beautiful job! I hope this will make telling family members easier for you. Glad you were able to enjoy yourself.

  11. Dora Says:

    Glad things went well. I suspect you’ll get so used to answering questions that eventually you won’t even give it a thought.

    Maybe it’s because of my age and living in NYC, where fertility treatment babies are so common, the question doesn’t phase me. Actually, it’s made me laugh. When I went for a pg follow up with my hematologist, he asked if the pg was natural or with help. I cracked up. “I’m 45!” I said. His response: “Well, sometimes lightning strikes.” I kind of think my still sore butt and the bit of numbness on the side of one thigh is a badge of honor. This is no oops pg, I suffered for it.

    BTW, I’m sure you do “really look fantastic.”

  12. mekate Says:

    So very glad it went well! Happy happy 18 weeks.
    warmly, Kate

  13. strongblonde Says:

    just catching up. glad that you were able to respond so well to “the” question. i still have not had it yet, but hope to be as graceful as you πŸ™‚

  14. Glad it went well. I was SO happy when my stomach went further than my breasts. Time to rock the belly. Have you made any decisions about your maternity look yet? Or is that me being LA?

  15. Amber Says:

    Congrats on B/G twins!!! My u/s is tomorrow after IVF #2…


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