Thoughtful Thursday: Audience Part 2

April 16, 2009

Thoughtful ThursdayLet’s follow the last week’s train of though about letting your (theoretical or real) child read your blog someday.

I’ve seen today’s topic addressed a couple of times in the ALI blogosphere, but I haven’t seen as much about why people make the choices they do.

Does your partner read your blog? Family? Friends? Why or why not? If they do read it, do you consider that as you write?

My husband reads my blog. He reads every post, and often gives me feedback verbally or via email. He also reads all of the comments, and remarks on things that he finds interesting. He’s a delightful audience, actually.

Sometimes he learns things from the blog instead of directly from me — I figure that if he’s going to read the post anyway, there’s no point in telling him twice. Plus, part of the point of blogging is that it takes some of the burden of supporting me through infertility off of him (and onto the rest of you!).

I don’t write anything I wouldn’t want him to read, but I think that would be the case even if he didn’t read the blog. There have been a couple of times that I would have blogged about something because I didn’t realize he would object, until he specifically asked me not to. We’ll talk about that issue at a future Thoughtful Thursday, but not just yet — he and I are still working through that.

Everyone else? Never have, never will. No one else even knows I write a personal blog. And I like it that way. There are friends that I wouldn’t object to reading, but it’s kind of a slippery slope. It’s easier to keep the secret if it’s a true secret.

What about you?

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26 Responses to “Thoughtful Thursday: Audience Part 2”


  1. Dude, not only does my husband read my blog, but he reads everyone else’s blog posts on Fierce and Nerdy, too. He doesn’t give a ton of feedback, but we often discuss my daily blog topics either before or after I post about them. And I definitely don’t write anything I wouldn’t want him to see. I also do TMI checks with him, since being a writer/celeb-journalist, I don’t really seem have a great gauge for what that is. A few weeks ago he convinced me not to do a post about how to handle pregnancy discharge — though I still maintain that it would have been helpful.

    However, I still haven’t let him read my first novel which is being shopped to publishers as we speak. Crazy, right? Funnily enough, I’m a lot more protective of my fictional privacy than my real-life privacy.


  2. Re-reading that I want to clarify that I write about celebrities — I’m not a celebrity myself. Though is there anything such as celebrity journalist anymore. I mean there’s Bob Woodward and the NYT opin columnists, but do we know the names of any print journalist under the age of 40 anymore. I can’t think of any, except for Perez Hilton. Sad…

  3. WiseGuy Says:

    Does your partner read your blog? Family? Friends? Why or why not? If they do read it, do you consider that as you write?

    Do I blog? Am I even aware what a blog is? Sounds funny?

    Well, nobody in my family is aware that I blog. The nobody includes DH as well. Do my family/friends go through it? No way! And I intend to keep it that way.

    My blog is my private space, where I often compromise politeness/mannerisms to state things the way I see them. Not only in my IF blog, but even in my other life blog, I state stuff,I would never verbalize. For example he is touchy about his parents. They are God for him, and I being the evil daughter in law, have a slanted perspective. So, if he were to read my entries, I think some of them will hurt him. So his not reading any of this is actually saving him some heartache.

    That is why I have been so closed about my real name (ony those that I mail, know it), and have never put up personal snaps, location details or name of hubby on it. I tend to use initials or titles.

    My IF journey has become one where even if my physical and financial details are open, my emotional and mental details are ‘protected’. Sometimes the emotions are so raw, that I don’t want myself to be seen by others like that. I am queer. I know. My personal space is important for me. And a part of it is totally shut out to everybody. Everybody.

  4. Nishkanu Says:

    I have two blogs, one is a private one for close friends and family (including discussion of IF), one is my public one for not my friends and family. The only one from my real life who knows about the public one is the Mr. He would be welcome to read either blog if he wanted to but he never does, I am a very talkative person and I think he figures he gets to know more than he wants about my thoughts as is, he doesn’t need to go out of the way to read about them too. When I started the public one, though, he started to ask me some questions about what I was writing about and I realized that maybe he would be worried about what I reveal about him to the general public. I am pretty careful in the public blog not to write about anything he would consider too personal for him. But I don’t think those concerns would ever, ever, ever lead him to actually read the blog. He is in general not a jealous or intrusive person, he is happy to leave whatever parts of my life I want private to be private.

  5. skrambled Says:

    My DH reads my blog when he ‘feels’ like it. But I must admit that he is not very interested. Some of my family know that I have a blog, but I have never invited them to read it. I think I would rather keep in quiet. I think I would have to censor it more if more of my family read it.

  6. Leslie Says:

    I have two blogs. One is for friends/family who, in my opinion, can’t handle the ugliest parts of IF, but want to be in the loop. It is essentially a watered down version of my “real blog”. The other blog, the one that you all read, is the one I am completely open and honest in my writing, and yes, some of my IRL friends know about it and read it regularly. I think this is how I’ve been able to differentiate from people who truly “get it” and people who want to be involved but have a hard time truly understanding what we’re going through. Having two blogs has really worked for me because it’s allowed me to include some people who I want to bring along on the journey because they love me, in spite of the fact that they don’t completely understand. My husband reads my blog on occasion. He doesn’t really have to because anything I write has typically already come out of my mouth anyway – ha ha!

  7. Rebecca Says:

    My husband doesn’t. Some friends do. Yes, it makes a difference. I’m scared of who might find it.

  8. Heather Says:

    My DH used to read my blog, but I made him stop because it was getting me in trouble. I think I can lift that ban from him now. I’ll have to have a talk with him. What was getting me in trouble was not that I talk bad about him. When I talk about him on my blog I’m usually all “glowy” because I’m like that IRL when I talk about him. He’s awesome. I was getting in trouble because from reading my blog, he was starting to think that all I thought about was my IF issues, but it’s not that at all. I just needed to get it out of my system somewhere, because I don’t like to talk to anyone IRL about it. It’s boring to people that aren’t going through it. Now that we’re having twin boys and we’ll be done trying to make babies, I can concentrate on writing about the real “joys in my life” which is my DH, our DD and soon to be our two boys. I don’t think he could misunderstand my feelings about those things.

  9. jill Says:

    When my first marriage ended and my second serious relationship began I made a promise to myself to not keep secrets. I really believe that leads to bad things happening in relationships. Even the little seemingly harmless things… My husband knows I have a personal blog, but he doesn’t read. I told him he could read it but I guess he made the decision not to. I haven’t asked him why yet, my blog is fairly new and it hasn’t yet come up.

    A few old friends of mine, that I haven’t seen in over 8 years, know of my blog and that’s it. We were very close way back then and I thought it might be nice to still have this fairly intimate connection to me even though we hardly talk anymore.

    My family and other day to day acquaintances do not know my blog exists. I want to reserve the right to vent about most aspects of my life and wouldn’t want to offend anyone with normal feelings of frustration or anger. That said, I probably won’t ever write too many details regarding my husband. He is a fairly private person and I think most things I would have to vent about should be dealt with between the two of us.

    One large hurdle for me in my infertility “journey” will be my sisters having children. When it happens it will be incredibly hard and I’m sure I’ll want to have some place to be sad and sympathize with other people. I love my sisters dearly and I wouldn’t want to make them feel bad over something that really has nothing to do with them personally. I’m sure I’ll love my neices/nephews but ugh. It’s going to be so hard.

  10. Kristin Says:

    My hubby has the link and he often reads specific posts but, since he can’t access it from work, he doesn’t read all the time. For a long time, my family didn’t know about the blog. I started it when we were in the midst of IF hell and sometimes ranted about things that I couldn’t/wouldn’t say to them. Now that we are past that point, they do know about my blog and have the url but I know they don’t read all that often.

  11. Brenna Says:

    DH knows about the blog and reads it–maybe once a week. Occasionally he comments on it, but it’s not a big deal. He’s pretty casual about it, as am I. My parents know about it, and a few friends. I don’t think anyone IRL reads it regularly, though, which is fine. I wouldn’t be bothered if they did, and I’m not bothered that they don’t. My blog serves a purpose for me, and it’s a rewarding relationship–but it’s not my therapist. I don’t say anything confidential there that I would mind someone in my life hearing.

  12. fattykins Says:

    Noper. I don’t mine countless people I don’t know reading my blog but I would never allow my husband or anyone else I know to read it. I dunno…I’m weird that way I guess.

  13. Star Says:

    DH reads, my best friend reads, and a few other IRL friends, ones I don’t talk to much, know about the blog and could read it if they wanted to (I don’t know whether they do — I know two of them used to but I’ve had falling outs with both in the past several months so I hope they don’t). It was a HUGE mistake to tell anyone other than DH and my best friend about it, and I deeply regret having done it. I have considered going password-protected to rectify the mistake, but haven’t taken that plunge yet. I would never, ever tell my family or any other friends about it because I want the freedom to discuss things without needing to self-censor.

  14. Shelby Says:

    While my hubby has known about my blog from the beginning, it wasn’t until recently when he began his own blog that he became a regular reader. I always gave him permission to visit, but he wanted to preserve my place of privacy, except that everything I said on the blog was at one point said to him, so he finally came around and reads everything.

    I also give access to the blog to my ‘real-life’ IF friends as we have been in so many support groups and again, I have already shared so much of what is on the blog. But that’s where the access ends.

    None of my non-IF friends or family know of my blog. Because they have never been through IF themselves, I question their ability to understand and at times I think they might actually be offended, resulting in me censoring my words and thus taking the power of my blog from me. I have had many other blogs in the past and as I gave more and more access, they became more and more scrubbed free of any personal, real content. I don’t want that to happen again and so far, it’s been wonderful.

  15. Carrie Says:

    My hubby does read my blog, as do my moms, my sisters-in-law and other close family. It actually saves me a lot of time “updating” people now, and during my whole IVF cycle… we really leaned on everyone, so it was great to have them in the loop. My fallopian-tube removal surgery made my need for IVF kind of public, so they already knew. I do consider it as I write, a little, but not exclusively.

    Thanks so much for the comment on my eating for 3 post. I don’t eat much meat at all, and am glad to hear of another non-meat eater who is trying to get lots of protein for the twins.

    I relate so much to your posts before ultrasounds. If I knew the news would be good, I wouldn’t make my husband go with me, either! I tell him it is in case there is bad news, which I am always dreading. I am so glad everything is going so well and the twins are measuring ahead for you! πŸ™‚

    Big hugs!
    Carrie


  16. Most of the people in my life know I blog, but they are not allowed to read it. It’s like my own personal journal. Something away from my IRL people. I do have on friend that reads it, but she isn’t in my immediate circle and knows everything, anyway.

  17. Cara Says:

    No – my hubby doesn’t read my blog, but that is entirely his choice – he could and I wouldn’t care. In fact, I tell him most of it!

    My mother – however – in on automatic email everytime I post. She asked, so I figured she was ready to hear what I really have to say about life, Emma, loss and family. The nice part is – if she wants to bring it up with me when we DO see each other – she can, if not, I realize it was something that didn’t quite sit with her…but hey – it’s mine, right?

  18. S Says:

    DH read one post … and called me “long winded”. The end. I don’t think he gets the concept of blogging, the idea that its supposed to be venting, so its ok to be short, one line, ten pages, whatever. I know he wouldn’t really have the time to read it (cause I hog the computer) so I can write about him. I’ve given the blog address to two people I know IRL and they’re friends. But only one drops in occasionally and the other kinda likes to pretend it doesn’t exist….

    If my potential rainbow baby#2 does go all the way to live-birth land, I’m going to have to change my blog for privacy reasons. Whilst I’m definitely going to disclose to our child that they were conceived through donor embies, its not necessarily something I want certain people I know. Colleagues that may stumble upon the blog, for instance, cause I very stupidly used my real name for the blog addy.

    My blog is an unmasked version of me. Its the only place I can be me. So if I censor it…it defeats the purpose.

    xx

  19. S Says:

    As for the kids reading the blog…when they turn 15 or 16!! I’m aware I swear too much. ha.

  20. Photogrl Says:

    No one IRL reads my blog…at least, that I know of.

    My hubby knows about it, but I’m not sure he’s ever read any of it. Sometimes I share comments with him, but honestly, I don’t think he really understands any of it.

  21. Photogrl Says:

    Ok, so I need to proofread a little more…

    Obviously, people IRL read my blog, but I don’t know of any friends, family, acquaintances that do. LOL

  22. Sam Says:

    Yes, my hubs reads my blog. Sadly, my mother reads it, too. I regret giving her the address to it. I had originally given her the address so that she would be updated with our adoption progress and hopefully not ask me questions about it in phone calls. Instead, it has done just the opposite. She’ll comment to me about things I’ve written in our conversations. Drives me nuts. And yes – I would LOVE to b*tch about her… and maybe hubs sometimes…. but cannot because they both read it.

    I’d like to block them, but then that would just be a huge red flag that I was gossiping about them! Oh well.

  23. celia Says:

    Occasionally my husband will read it over my shoulder if I am sitting next to him and typing. Sometimes I will ask him my poll question and sometimes if I really like what I posted I show it to him. But to my knowledge he never reads it on his own. I would not mind if he did though.

    I have only two people that I see in real life that read my blog. If I am posting about IF in regards my sex life, I put a note in the top of the post so they can run away.

    I have a very select group of online friends that know every detail of my life in the past four years. They read my blog occasionally. One of the reasons I started my blog is that while they are awesome and supportive I felt like I was drowning them in TMI. So when I started the blog I gave them the link.

    The only thing I DO try and keep out of my blog is politics. I do not want a hard core Republican or a moderate Democrat feeling excluded from my blog. I want them to feel welcome because IF is isolating enough.

  24. Miriam Says:

    It’s interesting- I’ve kept a LiveJournal for YEARS, and my husband never read it. He totally respected it as a private place to vent about him and life in general. He knew it was my safe space. When I created my IF blog, it was a very public statement of a very private problem, and he reads every post and comment. I’ve shared this blog with family and friends, b/c I’m in the earliest stages of this whole journey and I’m really craving the support. As such, I do tailor certain things in my posts. The really jealous statements I might make about pregnant women I know- I post them to my LJ and the IF comms I belong to there. Mostly, I just use my blog as a way to track this journey and to share news with interested family and friends.

    Happy ICLW! πŸ™‚
    ~Miriam

  25. Mel Says:

    I don’t actually know who does and who does not read my blog beyond Josh. I mean, I know that people in the family read it, but I’m not sure how often. I am sometimes surprised to learn someone is reading it, but I usually walk this line of assuming the person hasn’t read (and therefore telling the same story I wrote about) while also keeping in mind that they may know that I currently have my period.

  26. loribeth Says:

    My dh knows I have a blog, & he does read it (so I have to be careful if/when I vent about him, lol). I do not want anyone else in my “real” life to know I blog. Even so, I try not to be too cutting in what I have to say, & not to use too many identifying details.


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