Liberation

February 25, 2009

Perfunctory IUI #7 occurred today (Tuesday, though it will probably be Wednesday by the time you read this).

It has opened up a whole new world of freedom. I expect nothing from this cycle, and therefore I cannot be disappointed.

Sort of like the birth control pill cycle before an IVF. Can’t possibly get pregnant, so the advent of your period means that the real work can commence, rather than the usual heartbreak. Also like having sex during non-ovulation times of the month. Or going on a job interview for a job that you have no intention of accepting. Or creating a piece of pottery just for the sake of testing something out. It cannot be more than it is, and that is a welcome change.

This IUI was more crampy than usual, but having had two IVFs and a hysteroscopy since my last IUI, my exact words during the worst part of the cramping were, “I’ve had worse.”

They had scheduled my beta during my trip to the land of Don Quixote. I don’t particularly want to lug progesterone suppositories around the Iberian Peninsula, so I convinced them to move up the beta date so that I can discontinue the progesterone when the beta invariably turns out negative.

It’s such a strange position to be in, compared to where most of us are almost all of the time. Expired FSH? Sure, why not, who cares. Negative beta? Of course, no problem, thanks for calling! Have coverage sex with my husband before the IUI? Naah, it’s not convenient, why bother. Liberating!

I’m not even going to POAS. There, I have committed. For the first time in all these years of infertility treatments, I am going to wait for the phone call.

Sure, it’s occurred to me that pregnancy from this IUI is not technically impossible. After all, miscarriage #1 resulted from clomid + IUI. As Dr. Full Steam Ahead pointed out, stranger things have happened. In the unlikely event that I actually get pregnant, it would mean one of three things.

  1. “Man plans, G-d laughs”. If you plan not to get pregnant, you will get pregnant.
  2. Miracles do happen, and my “healing” treatment really worked.
  3. The advice to “just relax” was right all along.
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25 Responses to “Liberation”

  1. staciet Says:

    I am one to strive for the unlikely. Hoping your little eggie is like that, too. Fingers crossed for you…

  2. WiseGuy Says:

    I really don’t know whether humour can be an outcome of this post, but I was smiling. Stupid, ain’t I?

    I have found a new word recently – which is even better than Relax – Chillax (Chill out and Relax).

    Woosh, Whish, Wawsh!

  3. Sue Says:

    I was smiling whilst reading this post too.
    It’s very upbeat. I love it.

    This “relax” and it will happen attitude might be what does it. I’m trying the same thing myself at the moment.

    Who knows.

    Lets pretend that we DONT want to get pregnant. Seems to work for 15 year olds and scum bags who mistreat kids. Why not us?

    Hehe.
    Thanks for a breath of fresh air post.
    S X

  4. Heather Says:

    Stranger things have happened. I have a superstition against POAS anyway. The IVF cycle I had this year that worked but later didn’t work out I had POAS. This one where I’m having twins, I didn’t test at home at all. But I know superstitions don’t really mean anything.

  5. michelle Says:

    Good luck with everything…

    ICLW

    M πŸ™‚

  6. MrsJoyner Says:

    This is a calming post..You sound like you really feel this way and aren’t just trying to sike yourself out…and I feel the same way that Stacie does..maybe the one where you aren’t thinking about it..becomes the one you remember for the rest of your life..

  7. strongblonde Says:

    you know, you’ve tried other things…this is just another in your journey. thinking about you, though πŸ™‚

  8. fattykins Says:

    Have a good couple of weeks, what a good way to spend the tww, not even thinking about it!

  9. awakeintheworld Says:

    This was a very nice post to read. You sound very calm. I hope that the calm follows you around like a happy little cloud.

  10. Irishlass Says:

    I love the way you described how you’re feeling about this. Even though you say that you aren’t positive it worked, you actually sound positive. What a great outlook, and something I hope to “borrow” when we start IVF #2 sometime soon. Good luck! Look forward to seeing the updates, and enjoy the trip!

  11. Danielle Says:

    Glad you’re feeling so calm. Enjoy your trip and everything else!

  12. clio Says:

    I never realized we had so much in common… I’m also 33 and vegetarian. TTC for almost 7 years… some of our history of course differs. But like you, i’m also doing an IUI after an IVF.
    And… I’m also really laid back about my IUI.
    Like you said, just feeling lighter about the whole thing is already a plus. And what it it works?
    I also believe in being positive and having hopes, bla bla bla… But for some of us, it seems that mostly the opposite holds the results we want.
    I’ll be checking back much more often to see how you are doing.

  13. Eve Says:

    Sometimes no hope at all is better than loads of hope that come crashing down at the end of the month. I’m not doing an IUI this month, but just timed BDing with meds…and I’m feeling exactly the same way. No expectations, at least that’s my plan.

    Your upcoming trip sounds fantastic!

    ICLW!

  14. birdsandsquirrels Says:

    You do sound very calm and relaxed. I hate it when people tell me to just relax, but you never know. This could work. I’ll be staying hopeful for you!


  15. “Sometimes no hope at all is better than loads of hope that come crashing down at the end of the month. ”

    I agree with this. I wish you luck…and that means luck with what YOU want!

  16. Cat Says:

    I was smiling while reading this post too, but oh lord, it just cannot be #3! Then we can’t imagine slapping all those ignorant fertiles who think that’s valid advice.

    Have a great trip!

  17. Nicole Says:

    I’m with you on the “no-poas” rule. And as far as getting a +, I suppose stranger things have happened, right?

  18. 'Murgdan' Says:

    I hope you become ‘that girl’ who upholds the three aforementioned myths so that they can continue to be thrust in the face of all infertiles…

    “See, it was true, she planned not to get pregnant, relaxed, and got her miracle after all”

    Really…I do hope you are that woman. πŸ™‚

  19. Cara Says:

    I can’t resist…

    Or – looking at a house you have no intention of buying!!!

    You are so very brave…each step of the way!

  20. Wishing4One Says:

    What a great attitude, but I expected nothing less from you I must say. Excellent plan you have and enjoy the Iberian penn.


  21. I have no words I havent said before….good luck! I hope G-d foils all your plans and gets you knocked up this time around, yeah!!

  22. princessoftides Says:

    Here’s hoping you have a great trip, and miracles happen to those who don’t ask for them! Good luck… (ICLW)

  23. Leslie Laine Says:

    Hope you have a great trip. I like your attitude here – sometimes I think low/no expectations results in much better outcomes (even though that mentality is so hard to achieve).

  24. Erin Says:

    Here from ICLW! Wishing you a wonderful trip. Sometimes no expectations are the best ones to have, then you aren’t disappointed.

  25. Liv Says:

    Your liberation has me a tad envious. If you could just bottle up a little of that acceptance and send it my way, I’d greatly appreciate it!

    I wish you the best this cycle and may you enjoy a lovely trip to the land of Don Quixote.


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