Thoughtful Thursday: The Time Machine

February 12, 2009

Thoughtful ThursdayToday we’ll be taking a field trip in the Thoughtful Thursday Time Machine, far into the distant past, before dinosaurs roamed the earth.

Before you started trying to have a baby.

I realize that our time machines need to be set to different points. For some, a couple of years. For me, seven years. For others, longer.

So let’s get into our respective time machines, buckle up, and return to the days when most of us blindly, blissfully thought we could just decide to become parents and then a baby would magically appear 9 months later.

Today’s question: How did you decide when it was time to try to start a family?

DH and I got married very young, immediately after college. Children were out of the question at that point. Marriage for us meant being with each other, not creating a family. We’d raised some eyebrows by getting married so young — though DH’s father, who’d been married at the same age and divorced a dozen years later, told us “You are both infinitely more mature than I was at your age. I am not worried.” Young married couple, we could handle. Young parents, nope. Not the kind of people we wanted to be. Spouses support your career, but babies derail it. Nope nope nope.

Thus, babies were entirely off my radar for several years, until one of my classmates in graduate school announced that she was pregnant.

I was happy for her, because I didn’t have a reason not to be.

It also got me thinking. “How do you know when you’re ready to become a parent?”

I posed this hypothetical question to another (single and childless) classmate, and she said, “I don’t know when people know, but I am sure that you are ready now. You will be an awesome mother. Let me know when you decide and I will go shopping! I would love to shop for your baby clothes. I’ll buy them when they go on sale at the end of each season, and then we can time it so that the baby can wear the right size for the weather.” She’s a little cart-before-the-horse, that one.

This all happened two years before I started TTC. And then, I kept sitting with that decision, finding reasons to wait, until finally I couldn’t come up with any more compelling reasons against TTC. So my decision was not so much a decision, as an end to procrastination.

DH and I had always intended to be parents, and were both very excited about it even when our ages ended with -teen, but we had other things to accomplish first. As young marrieds, we considered TTC to be a different phase of life, and it took a lot of gearing up to move into that phase. I know many other people for whom “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in a baby carriage” cascades in a quick sequence. But we had all the time in the world… or so we thought.

Once I was on the cusp of saying that I was ready, I determined that there were several things I needed to accomplish before I could start TTC. I didn’t feel “ready” to be pregnant until these boxes had been checked off.

  1. Buy safety-oriented four-door car to supplement our two-door sports car (still own it, but almost every part has been repaired or replaced)
  2. Purchase supportive desk chair for office with my own money to nurture my soon-to-be-pregnant body (sat in it for a few years, then it broke and I threw it out… over 3 years ago)
  3. Stop birth control pills and chart cycles for several months while using condoms to begin assessing fertility and getting used to charting so that we could conceive immediately after our decision had been made (I have a couple dozen charts tucked away in a file cabinet somewhere, but I stopped charting after miscarriage #1 or I’d have –gulp!– almost 100 by now)

Throughout all of my stalling and list-making, DH was “ready when you are.” When I said “GO!” he said, “Tell me where to put the sperm.” No, actually he had already figured that part out. Little did we know, sex doesn’t actually make babies. If we had know that… ah, but this is Time Machine day, not Crystal Ball day.

Your turn: How did you decide when it was time to try to start a family? Or, if the initial decision was not yours but someone else’s or fate’s, why had you decided that it wasn’t yet time?

(On your way back to 2009 in your time machine, please wave hello to the dinosaurs. They’ve been a little anxious lately… some rumors about an upcoming ice age.)

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28 Responses to “Thoughtful Thursday: The Time Machine”

  1. WiseGuy Says:

    How did you decide when it was time to try to start a family? Or, if the initial decision was not yours but someone else’s or fate’s, why had you decided that it wasn’t yet time?

    Similar to your statement…I and my DH always did intend to be parents at some point of time. I began using contraceptives before we got married, for two reasons – one, if it would suit me and second, I did not want kids immediately after my marriage. The second reason was ascribed to my/our need to have some just-us time.

    Mine was an arranged marriage (jaws may drop in the US, but it is a routine practice in India). Having children is a foregone conclusion. But I did not choose to have kids, or decide to start trying just because the family pressure was playing on us.

    I had a not-very-easy time adjusting in the post-marital environment. In fact, the first year was one of the toughest (among several other difficult ones 🙂 ) for me. However, once we changed our city, there did come a time that I began to enjoy some fruits of my new status. Once the first year was gone, we decided to stop using contraception – no big shake announcements or divine interventions or bells rang. It just quietly came out as mutual idea on its own. The initiation was totally ours. Only a few months later my in-laws started dropping suggestions on starting a family here and there.

    I sometimes wonder that if I would have known about my later troubles, would I have bothered with contraception at all!

  2. WiseGuy Says:

    My English has really gone down the drain…there is a goof-up in the second-last para end as well (punctuations and phrase placement…ugh).

  3. MrsJoyner Says:

    How did you decide when it was time to try to start a family? Or, if the initial decision was not yours but someone else’s or fate’s, why had you decided that it wasn’t yet time?

    My husband and I talked about kids on like our 5th date. So no pressure there..But we decided we wanted to have one in our first year or being married (hahahaha) and then wait a few years to try for a 2nd one. Now granted, we’ve only been trying for 5 months, but we’ve already had one m/c. No one is pressuring us, in fact, people are telling us we need to wait (which drives me CRAZY) but we are ready..If a baby would just implant and stay awhile…

  4. fattykins Says:

    My husband and I we effectively married when we were 19 – but we did not make it official until I was 21. Up until that time I had no desire whatsoever to have a baby…it was one of those far off things…but as soon as I got married I started to have the itch. It was impossible, though. Dh was still in college and I was having to work full time to support us. If I got pregnant I could still work but I knew I wanted to be a stay at home mom so I had to sit tight.

    The february before dh graduated from college (which was only like 6 months after we got married) I stopped taking BCP’s to, as you said, let my cycles normalize and do some charting, thinking we would start ttc in the fall. And AF never showed up again. Months went by without her appearing. Finally I went to the dr and, in July was presented with 2 options. 1. Go back on the pill. 2. Go on clomid if I wanted to ttc. We weren’t *quite* there yet so I went back on the pill (oh man, I HATED that). I went off again in October when dh got a “real” job which was the last thing that needed to fall into place before it was time. And that’s where our ttc story started.

  5. Shelli Says:

    My husband and I were married for 7 years before we decided to jump in. And literally, it was one of those conversations that went like this:

    Me: I think I’m ready, what about you?
    Him: Ok, let’s do it.

    And that was that. Little did we know the rollercoaster we would be on for years afterward… a quick uneventful pregnancy that resulted in a live baby followed by four years and five losses (and lots of money down the drain.)

  6. strongblonde Says:

    i feel like i cant even remember….maybe we were waiting for me to finish school? who knows. it all is such a distant memory. maybe we were witing until we were financial stable (snicker).

    all i know is that it just seems weird now to have spent some much time and energy trying to PRVENT things from happening! 🙂

  7. Brenna Says:

    I was 28 when DH and I got married (he was 30) and we had already been dating for 5+ years at that point. We’d enjoyed plenty of “us” time, but decided to give ourselves a few years of being married before we got the ball rolling on the whole family thing. That said, we weren’t preventing–we were just ambivalent. We weren’t intentionally trying to have a baby, but wouldn’t have minded if it happened…that kind of thing. We didn’t use any birth control after getting married, which probably should have been a giant red flag–two years of “pulling out” and not even the hint of a pregnancy scare? Hmmmm. I hit 30 and decided to chart my cycles–realized we were doing a pretty good job with the timing, so I started to feel a bit more concerned. Six months of charting later and no baby (~3 years of no birth control) and we realized we needed to see a specialist. At this point ambivalence plays no part in the equation!

  8. Shelby Says:

    It would be silly for me to write my version because it literally mirrors yours: fell in love as teens, got married young (gasp! scandal!), grad school and although we always wanted kids, we had other things to do first. We waited until we had all the right things in place. Little did we know that the kid thing would take even longer than the other stuff! Thanks for sharing yours…and mine!

  9. mo Says:

    love this post!
    For us, we were old farts when we got married (34) and so we started TTC before we even said our vows. Just a few months before, but then hey, we didn’t think it would take this long. we were worried we might hit some snags given my health history and boy have we!

    mo

  10. Cat Says:

    DH and I got married in Oct 2000 when I had just turned 23 and he was about to turn 25. We both wanted a few years of “just us” before bringing babies into the mix.

    Several years had passed and I was ready and talking about it and he wasn’t yet. We said we’d buy a house first and then start TTC. We moved into our house in May 05, but he still didn’t want to consider it. He never gave an actual reason, just wouldn’t really talk much about it.

    Then during insurance enrollment time in the fall of 2005 we were standing in the kitchen talking about which insurance plan to pick. I didn’t really understand why he cared so much this time because the only time we used it was for my annual and he never goes to the doctor (except the RARE occasion that he gets sick because then he’s dying, you know how men are). That’s when he springs it on me that we need to pay attention this time because he thinks that 2006 is the year we’re going to have a baby. We started trying in Nov 2005, so clearly he expected it not to take long, but then, so did I.

  11. Rebecca Says:

    We got married in June 2005 – I was 21.5, he was almost 23. I had come off Depo Provera in May 2004 cos it just didn’t agree with me. We decided a month before our wedding that we’d stop using condoms. We thought we’d be parents in no time. Yeeeeah, not so much.

  12. Mijke Says:

    With us, it wasn’t so much a decision as it was a “well, there probably never will be a “right time” to get pregnant and start a family, so we might as well start right now…” kind of thing. We chucked my last strip of BCP in the bin in February 2003 and just went for it.

    A couple of hours later I woke up in the middle of the night shaking and sweating and scared out of my mind. I got up and rummaged through aforementioned bin, desperately trying to find the strip of BCP’s. Guess I wasn’t quite ready yet…

    The next morning we talked it over and decided to wait half a year or so. We booked a vacation to Kenia (Africa) for that summer: one last big trip together before we would start our family! After we got home from said trip we waited the required 3 months after taking anti-malaria medication and in October 2003 we ceremoniously chucked our last empty BCP-strip in the same bin as we did 8 months earlier. When I didn’t wake up panicking that night, he gave me a babynames-book to mark the start of our new life, and the next day we picked out a name for our daughter-to-be. We tried to find a name for a boy as well, but couldn’t agree on one. We figured what the heck, we would have 9 more months to worry about a boys name!

    Hahaha… Bless those merry days when we still thought getting pregnant was just a matter of loving each other and having some fun in the bedroom…

  13. Mijke Says:

    ps I just LOVE your TT’s!!! I’ve been reading back a bit yesterday and there’s a couple I’m just dying to put my teeth in… Will have to wait till another day though, the kids (yes, one of them IS a boy and yes, he DID eventually get a name… About a week before he and his twin sister were born I believe. It “only” took us 4+ years to agree on one… Guess there’s an upside to the whole infertility-thing after all) are hitting each other over the head with something and it’s making too much noise for it to be something that won’t leave dents or bruises…

  14. loribeth Says:

    My story is very similar to yours. We got married when we were 24 & 28, recent graduates, no money, tiny no-kids-allowed apartment. Agreed we would wait until we had established ourselves financially, bought a house & had some fun ourselves. The economy took a nosedive in the late 80s/early 90s, so it was 5 years before we could afford the house — & then we looked at our humungous mortgage & decided to wait a little longer. I can remember wavering a little when our second nephew was born (when I was 31), & dh said, “Maybe we should…” but I got cold feet & we decided to wait a little longer.

    When we hit our 10th wedding anniversary & I was 34, I realized the clock was starting to tick. I went for a pre-conception appointment with my dr, tossed out my pills, waited the suggested three months & started ttc. After a year went by, I started getting a little nervous, but my dr kept assuring me it would happen. The only women I knew or had read about who had fertility issues were either older (over 40), had irregular periods or STDs (not a problem here).

    I finally did conceive after 2.5 years of ttc on our own, when I was 37, but the baby was stillborn when I was six months along. Tried on our own for another year after that before starting down the slippery slope of infertility testing & treatment. Threw in the towel on treatment when I was 40. I actually continued to chart & hope for the best for quite awhile after that, but eventually threw in the towel on that too.

  15. Heather Says:

    Wow! Great topic! We have very similar stories. We also got married right out of college when we were 23 (5 year co-op school). Except we didn’t care if we had a baby right away, but it wasn’t our main goal. We left our destiny in Fate’s hands, didn’t use any birth control, concentrated on our careers and had fun in our newlywed state. Five years later, we knew we were ready. We talked to my GYN at my annual. We assumed that we were just so busy with work that our “timing” was off. She agreed it was possible, but when she realized we hadn’t been using birth control for the past five years, she said our odds shouldn’t be that good to not have an “oops” baby by now. She ran an HSG test on me and found my left tube was completely blocked. Sent me to the RE to have surgery and find out what was causing it and found out I had horrible endometriosis. Did ovulation induction and IUI with the RE and got pregnant with our 8 year old daughter after 3 cycles and 1 miscarriage. We hoped we’d have an easy time of it, but then when our daughter was 2 1/2 and we’d had no “oops” pregnancy, we went back to the doctor. Then after 1 more surgery 3 OI/IUI cycles, 1 miscarriage, 3 more OI/IUI cycles, 2 IVFs we walked away for awhile. We went through acupuncture, chiropractic, healthier eating, etc. Then we decided to go back to the same doctor. After 2 IVFs and 1 more miscarriage, we’re now successfully pregnant with twins. I have now known my RE for 10 years! I can’t wait to find out what life is like beyond this phase, as we will now call ourselves done. Good luck on your next IVF!

  16. Wishing4One Says:

    When we were married in 1996, we decided to wait to have kids. These two years we travelled alot and had lots of fun and adevntures! Then on MY first trip to Cairo, for a visit to meet DH’s family, it was New Years Eve 1998, my husband said “let’s have a baby…” I was so excited and just knew I’d be pregnant. LOL, its 11 years later and we are still waiting. Anyway, one day soon here I hope our wait will be over. I stay optimistic and hope that our dream will come true someday.

  17. Ana Says:

    Another great, thought-provking question! Aaaagh, the good old days before we started trying, its hard to imagine they existed! Though we dated for 4 years before marriage (right after I turned 29), I had no inclination to start a family right away; it was the wrong time in my career, I wanted to just enjoy being married, traveling, get in shape, yada yada. At this point, DH always said “I’m ready as soon as you are”. 2 year later, it was a much better time for me, career-wise, but still no desire on my part, and DH had lost his nerve after witnessing his best friend go through a divorce caused by kid-related-stressors, and his co-worker struggle with his newborn. So we never discussed it until all of a sudden, when I was 31 1/2, I started to notice people being pregnant and wondering what it was like, and thinking, for once, that it would be exciting. It was during the holidays that I ditched the birth control & when New Year’s came around, I felt sure that things would certainly be changing for us that year. And then, BOOM, in the next year, EVERY SINGLE PERSON we know got knocked up & delivered a healthy baby. Now they are on their second (or third), and we are still “enjoying our alone time” (HA!) & forgoing traveling for expensive treatments.

  18. Leslie Laine Says:

    Love Thoughtful Thursdays!

    We were 31 and 32 when we got married – thought we should get started soon after we got home from our honeymoon. I actually contemplated throwing my pills out prior to our wedding to see if we could make a honeymoon baby, but decided against it because I didn’t want to be on my period in St. Lucia.

    As always, the (overly)responsible oldest sibling in me decided to take the conception experience seriously and immediately began learning all about it, charting…really just to understand what was going on with my body.

    Here we are, 28 cycles later. Not one positive pregnancy test, an unexplained infertility diagnosis and an electronic ovluation monitor that’s collecting dust in the top of the linen closet.

    How I love thinking of our carefree days of NOT TTC! Sex for the sake of having sex. Drinking whenever we felt like it. And, just loving being in love.

    Nice thoughts on the eve of Valentine’s. Thanks.


  19. Wow, another great blog. And I really enjoyed reading the comments. My husband was in his late 30s when we met, and I was 28. He proposed one year later. I was ready and he was super-ready. I had lived a lot of life before meeting him, and just really wanted to settle down and be boring. And he’s just one of those guys that has a lot of love and would make a really great father. I waited for 3 months before the wedding to go off of birth control, b/c I didn’t want to walk down the aisle with a baby bump. However, that wasn’t an issue. In fact, my period did come on my honeymoon — which sucked. After the honeymoon, we got the ovulation sticks. Another 3 months and we graduated up to a fertility monitor. Another 6 months and we went to a fertility specialist and found out what the problem was. Lots of money, 2 IUIs, and one IVF later, I’m 5 months along. Fingers crossed.


  20. On your way back to 2009 in your time machine, please wave hello to the dinosaurs. They’ve been a little anxious lately… some rumors about an upcoming ice age.)
    It’s that darn global warming I tell ya!

    How did you decide when it was time to try to start a family? Or, if the initial decision was not yours but someone else’s or fate’s, why had you decided that it wasn’t yet time?

    Ours is a really heartbreaking story – in a couple of ways. We had the decision kinda taken out of our hands.

    We started our relationship when I was about 3 days shy of being 18 and at that stage had discussed having a maximum of 1 child somewhere in that vague land “in my 30s – maybe 33”. We got married when I was 23 and for our honeymoon we went back home, to India. Michael had a real eye opening experience, no matter where we went, he attracted a flock of kids who just loved him to bits. It was truly amazing to see human nature at its basest. How he had no idea what they were saying, and I was mostly standing by (occasionally translating) in awe at the unspoken language that is friendship and love for life. I didn’t complain when he spent all the spending money giving it away to these adorable kids, and he even set aside half his meal every night to make sure someone on the street got something to eat. I was just amazed at this new and ‘foreign’ view of my home country (notice I avoid “motherland”!) and essentially just drank everything in through his naive, first time eyes. That’s when I realised his potential as a dad first up. He got really upset when we had to come home – not because we were having a good time, which we were (he drank some of the pubs dry!) but because it meant leaving “his kids”. The kids too, were upset, as they saw our taxi off. It was a real experience, sorrowful yet a memory of bittersweet joy. We decided we’d start looking into intercountry adoption from India. I threw myself into finding out as much as I could about the legislation, the common law, the procedures etc. We were determined but because my primary citizenship was Australian, it meant we were low on India’s list of prospective parents. Yet, undeterred, we plodded along. It all came to a nasty head when we met the then manager of the adoption unit, who kept insisting that we try the China program (why don’t you both try the China program, a baby girl is guaranteed!), among other things, she had no children and didn’t want any. Never been outside Australia, clueless as to what the “best interests of the child” really are. Along the way we found out it takes about 8-10 years to adopt from India and even then, its expensive and not even remotely half a guarantee. Every 2 years you have to renew your application, medicals and homestudy which costs money. We also had to prove why we weren’t trying to conceive “naturally” as if intercountry adoption should be every couple’s absolute last resort?!

    After that meeting we decided that was it. For sanity’s sake, we had to close the intercountry adoption chapter and try the IVF chapter. We knew we needed IVF because of Michael’s vasectomy. Made an appt for the specialist one month later. The rest, as they say, is history.

    So, essentially the choice was made for us. Our first choice was to adopt 4-5 kids from India, toddlers up. When that failed, we turned to IVF.

    (As an example, a friend from our dinosaur adoption days, put in her application and about 11 years later, when she’s now in her 60s, has managed to bring her little boy home from Africa. The dept tried to fob her off because of her age, but she persisted).

    this is a great thoughtful thursday post. its amazing to read everyone’s experiences.

  21. Hollie Says:

    HA! Its amazing you remember all this. I wrote SOME of it down throughout the years, but for the most part, we just go from one step to the next.
    We decided to TTC on a definite schedule. Exactly 10 mos before dh was to finish school. He’d have a job right out of college, and everything would be grand. Speaking of GRAND, that was THIRTY GRAND ago and about 5 years. I remember saying, “eh, all it will take is a little Cl_omid.” Sheesh! I was an idiot! I even logged onto some message boards yesterday and actually forgot I had been a part of them. I searched for my name. Found MANY posts, one was…”I’m getting ready for my first IVF. Anyone have any pointers?” HAAAAAAAAA ROFL!!!

    Great post!

  22. Nity Says:

    Love this post and question. It’s fun to read everyone’s comments.

    We started trying a one month shy of our 2nd anniversary. At first we wanted time together, and then I wanted to wait a little while longer so I could get one more ski season in. Everyone I knew had gotten pregnant right away. Little did I know I’d have 2 before we got pregnant and am still skiing a third while pregnant since I’m in the early stages and the dr said it was ok.

  23. Irishlass Says:

    I am almost embarrassed to admit that my DH and I were trying before we got married. We met when he was in graduate school, and I flew out to his university for a job-related conference. He happened to be the graduate assistant working on the project. We met, fell in love and started a year and a half long distance relationship.

    When we met, I was actually separated (and had filed for divorce) from my first husband (we had been married for 5 years). Ironically, the first husband and I started ttc about 2 years after we were married, and we found out that he had he almost zero sperm, then right after announced he really didn’t want children after all and we divorced. Anyway, back to current DH, I went on birth control (which never agreed with me – I was horribly moody and felt just awful on the pill, the patch and the depo shot) that first year we were flying back and forth seeing each other. After he graduated and moved here, leading to our engagement, I went off the pill but we weren’t actively trying – we hoped it would happen, but we never got pregnant. Finally about two years after going off the pill (and about seven months after we were married), we finally met with an RE and started this whole ttc and IVF journey.

    We started our first two attempts in early 2008. Both times we didn’t even make it past the first cycle because of high E2 counts and a cyst. We both decided to take a break and focus on our lives for a bit – DH had some changes in his job, we bough a house and really took a look at our finances to “prepare for rain”. I think taking this break and preparing a bit has helped us the second time around.

  24. dreamingsoul Says:

    I could have written your story myself. DH and I got married in 1996 when we were just out of university. I was 23 and he was 25. We certainly raised eyebrows, but we were all about being together as a married couple. The idea of children was a VERY far-off notion and didn’t enter our field of vision until we had built our first home in 2000. Our requirements included having a home, owning a car and being established in our careers. Little did we know that we would still be childless 8 years later.

  25. onepinkline Says:

    We were late. Not for dinner. Hadn’t been dating thaaaat long. I geared up for an awkward conversation and a walk of shame to the drug store. Instead we had this awesome day smiling at a secret we both thought we knew. Got the test – neg. chucked the birth control the same day. We were both kind of bummed it wasn’t +. And every month since. 27 and counting.

  26. Kahla Says:

    I think we were a lot like you and your DH. We got married in our early 20’s, built the house, I finished college, made sure we both had stable jobs (DH had been at his for almost over 10 years and I was teaching, so we knew we’d be able to afford it), and even started the whole charting AND using a fertility monitor just we’d “know” exactly when to do the deed and we’d be pg right away. Pretty naive looking back. After a surgery for DH, many, many months, and a failed IUI we learned we’d have to move on to IVF. So much for the whole financial stability because our stable jobs both had crappy insurance that didn’t cover squat. Looking back I just think damn we were stupid. With us our first IVF worked and despite losing a twin, Chase will be 4 next month. I didn’t realize it then but we were still totally naive because we still believed that since IVF#1 worked, IVF#2 would also work and we’d be done. Turns out it doesn’t work that way. So we waited 2 1/2 years tried IVF#2 and got a BFN. Talk about a reality check. IVF#3, BFN. WTF???? IVF#4, finally a BFP, but apparently I was still naive enough to think a BFP = little tiny baby 9 months later. Again reality gave me a wake-up and we lost twins at 7 weeks. We just learned that IVF#5 has worked and are cautiously optimistic. This definitely isn’t how we planned it, but I like to think we’ve at least handled it pretty well.

  27. Mel Says:

    It was right after September 11th and I read one of the obits in the NY Times about a woman who had just gotten back her ketubah and hadn’t even hung it on the wall before she lost her new husband in the Twin Towers. First I made us get our ketubah framed and up. Then we started on the baby stuff. Life felt too vulnerable–I didn’t want to miss out on something we both wanted due to waiting.

  28. Sara Says:

    I know this was months ago, but I feel the strong need to share my story…feel connected, even though my story seems so different. As the oldest of 8, I always wanted to wait at least a year, so I could just enjoy being married. DH is diabetic, and we knew before we got married that he wasn’t ejaculating. Naive me didn’t put two and two together. I went off the pill after 6 months of marriage, when we decided that we wouldn’t “try,” but we would welcome a surprise if it happened. I got a strong desire starting the day of our first anniversary. It took me three months to get DH into the doctor for a referral, three more months to see the urologist, and another month to get into the Fertility Clinic. Turns out everything is normal to great for him, except that it doesn’t come out (retrograde ejaculation). Before we spent $$, I decided to get tested as well, just in case. Six months later, small progesterone deficiency, and I decide I am done being poked and prodded for a while. That turned into, yes we have tested but we aren’t ready for kids. We had talked about kids early, and even the possibility of adopting if we couldn’t have biological children. But now, after the testing, and knowing our diagnosis(es), and deciding first step treatment options, and me reading so many blogs where the “plan” takes so much longer than you think, we have actually gone back to not being ready. I don’t know what it will take to move us back onto the side of being ready again, but after a pregnancy possibility last month, at least I am comforted knowing he would still welcome a surprise. As DH puts it, “It is just so much easier to say no (not yet, maybe never) when you have to make an appointment.”


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