Dirty Laundry

January 28, 2009

A few days ago Jamie from Sticky Feet aired some dirty laundry: things you’d like to say but never do, rendered harmless thanks to anonymity. I wanna play! And, since nobody IRL except my husband reads this blog, none of the targets will ever read it!

It’s well-known that I love to hold contests, so let’s play a game. I will list 10 articles of dirty laundry about people in my life. How many do you think my husband can identify? Fundamentally this is a “pick a number between 0 and 10” contest, so please play along. Yes, there will be a prize. (Note to DH: some people will make more than one appearance on the list. I don’t think I can come up with dirty laundry about 10 separate people.)

While you read, you can listen to Don Henley sing “Dirty Laundry.”

  1. We are sick of your “motherly” advice. We don’t listen to our own mothers (and never have), so why would we listen to you?
  2. You are the laziest person I’ve ever met. It is outrageous that you would allow your laziness to negatively impact your child’s health and development.
  3. I honestly laugh every time you send me a preachy email forward — especially those that insist on archaic authoritarian methods of child-rearing. If those tactics actually worked, the children you raised wouldn’t refuse to speak to you.
  4. It is so hurtful that you would be insensitive about our childlessness given that you went through infertility and miscarriages yourself.
  5. For someone who constantly demands gifts, I have never met anyone who accepts gifts less graciously. The only gift you’re getting from now on are narcissus flowers, you ungrateful narcissist.
  6. You were never infertile, just impatient — you even lied to the doctors about having tried for 6 months before seeking treatment. Plus, you wanted twins, and you knew that fertility treatments would increase your chances. You don’t actually understand what I’m going through.
  7. It makes me genuinely sad that my children will share 25% of your DNA. (Okay, this one should be pretty easy for DH, since there are a limited number of possible targets.)
  8. Sometimes I think your comedic in-your-face shtick is just an excuse to act like an asshole.
  9. I was a true friend to you. You were a mend all along.
  10. I’m going to start carrying a tiny violin in my purse for the next time you complain that Obama’s tax plan is bad for you because you make over $250K per year.

How many will my husband correctly identify? How well does he know me?

Step right up, folks. Pick a number, win a prize. I’ll reveal the winner at Show and Tell this Saturday.

18 Responses to “Dirty Laundry”

  1. Anita Says:

    This is so funny! I’m sorry you have to put up with these people IRL 🙂 I’m guessing your DH gets all 10 right! 100% !

  2. MrsJoyner Says:

    I think this is a great idea. Not only because it anonymous, therefore, no sticking your foot in your mouth, but also because it’s an easy way to vent. I might just have to do this myself. Oh, and I have some of those same people in my life.

  3. Lea Says:

    I’m going to think big and say he gets 9.

  4. awakeintheworld Says:

    Well, since 10 and 9 are taken, I’m going to guess an 8–I might also do this myself. 🙂

  5. April Says:

    Funny…I was thinking 7 all along. 🙂

    I think that you are talking about some of MY friends and family here…

  6. sara Says:

    I was also going to guess 8. But I suppose I’ll have to alter my guess to 7. I bet he gets 7 right.

  7. Danielle Says:

    I read this on Jamie’s blog too. It’s a wonderful idea. Even though 10 is taken, I still think he’s going to get them all right.

  8. isothegoldenegg Says:

    Hysterical! Even though it’s taken, I’ll bet he gets 9.

  9. Rebecca Says:

    I think 4. I think my husband would be oblivious to a few of the things that would upset me, so maybe yours will be too?

    #6 makes me want to get stabby, though.

  10. luna Says:

    this is great! hopefully it felt cathartic.

    5! so I don’t over- or under-estimate him.

  11. bunny Says:

    my favorite is the narcissus for the narcissist!

    my guess is 9, maybe you’ll surprise him with one.

  12. sara Says:

    6, then. I’ll take 6.

  13. shinejil Says:

    I’m going to go out on a limb and say 10. Because if he doesn’t know who’s who, he really should.

  14. kbreints Says:

    all of them?

    I wish that I could do this, but to many people I know read my blog… boo.

  15. Cat Says:

    All the good numbers are taken so I won’t guess, but I do have to ask how you know my mother? #3 and #5 are clearly about her. 🙂

  16. WiseGuy Says:

    I say SIX!

    And you, yes you….I have to have a honorary mention in the next Show and Tell or else I am going to leave a virus on your blog….the virus will chomp all the alphabets and make burping noises on every third click! LOLOL!

  17. I was going to go with 9, too. But someone has already guessed that.

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