IVF #2 2WW Blow by Blow

January 13, 2009

By nature, I am a pretty calm person. DH’s über-calm style has influenced me to be even more calm. But some powerful chaos lies dormant inside me — I inherited some pretty nutty genes from multiple family members.

Those chaotic genes have been activated during the second half of this 2WW.

With IVF #1, my patience (and avoidance) was so great that I didn’t POAS until 3 days after the beta would have been scheduled, extending the 2WW into a 2-and-a-half-WW. IVF #2 has been the complete opposite.

During the chicken-with-its-head-cut-off phases of this 2WW, I have scoured the IF blogosphere for posts of people who were at the same point in their 2WW, and I have found their subjective accounts immensely helpful. So, I’m going to give you a blow-by-blow in the hopes that it is helpful to someone else, now or in the future, during the throes of 2WWorry.

The following information comes from my IVF #2 spreadsheet — after abandoning them for a few treatment cycles, I am back to spreadsheets. It’s either indicative of optimism or an inability to distinguish one day on the couch wearing pajamas from the next. Probably both.

transfer day, 1dp2dt: Houseguests still here; some residual cramping from retrieval, but otherwise fine.

2dp2dt, 3dp2dt, 4dp2dt, 5dp2dt: Feeling lazy and sometimes sleepy, but otherwise fine. I stare repeatedly at the photos of my beautiful embryos.

(Here is where the “fun” begins.)

6dp2dt: After many lazy days, I am suddenly full of energy. I get as far as cuing up the video for a Qi Gong workout (which I have never done before, but it is gentler than the power yoga that I usually do) but don’t actually manage to do any exercise. I also have a tiny bit of nausea during the day, but in the evening I am moderately nauseous. That night, I am completely unable to sleep until after 4 a.m., totally anxious and 2WWhacked out. When I finally fall asleep, I have drawn-out dreams about BFNs and BFPs. Full scenarios, such as BFN followed by changing health insurance followed by FET or another IVF.

(My husband likes to make fun of me for my lame dreams, because he dreams about sports and sex but I tend to dream about topics like work and math. I may have topped my own nerdiness by dreaming about insurance.)

7dp2dt: Although I was planning to wait until the weekend, obviously my brain cannot take it anymore and I decide to POAS. My strong nausea must mean I’ll get a BFP, right? Nope. BFN. Granted, it is extremely early to be testing. Later in the day, I am again nauseous at night. I am also constipated, which often makes me cranky but in this case my mood is okay. I also spend most of the day being active or sociable, which probably helps.

8dp2dt: Bleeeeeeh. Constipation has given way to loose stools. I have a tummyache with some nausea most of the day. I am decidedly cranky. Oh, and also still lazy.

9dp2dt: Time to POAS again. BFN. I check Betabase and determine that there is more than a 50-50 chance that even if I were truly pregnant, I would still get a BFN at 9dp2dt. This does little to affect my mood, which becomes miserable. DH offers the wisdom that if I were supposed to test on 7dp2dt or 9dp2dt, they would have scheduled the beta then instead of 12dp2dt. The constipation returns, and I also have a bit of spotting/light pink bleeding. This is the first bleeding since the post-retrieval bleeding stopped. I don’t know what to make of this. DH goes out of town, and when I drop him off at the airport it feels as if I’m saying goodbye for months instead of a week. On the way home I go to the store and come close to bursting into tears more than once. Not much of an emotional eater, the only thing at the market that I can find to bring me any comfort is high-end hot chocolate mix.

10dp2dt: A little more spotting, but not much. Energy is higher, and I actually make it to the office. Still a bit nauseous and a bit constipated — I don’t know what to make of these symptoms. When I get home and check the mail, it contains a letter from the embryologist saying that none of my three extra embryos made it to freeze. I start to freak out, because the two embryos that were transferred were graded the same two of the ones they did not transfer. This means that if this cycle fails, instead of FET it’s right back to IVF. But more importantly, I also feel like it bodes poorly for the embryos that were transferred. Not entirely logical, I know, but my hope was already fragile and now it’s almost non-existent.

11dp2dt: POAS, BFN. Back to the drawing board. I guess there’s a tiny chance that the beta will be positive, especially given that I accidentally used First Response Rapid instead of First Response Early for today’s BFN, but I’ve wasted too much of my energy in the past seven years on glimmers of hope.

(Oh, and since my out-of-town husband is going to get the BFN news by reading this post, sorry. I love you.)

The beta is tomorrow. Tonight’s PIO injection is going to suck.

Conclusion #1:
Early POAS is great if it’s positive, but torture if it’s negative. (Obviously, you don’t know which it will be until you test.) But without POAS, I don’t know if I would have slept in the past five days.

Conclusion #2:
No matter how optimistic an RE is about a cycle, he is not in control of the babymaking gods. I wish I knew who the god-wrangler was — I’d bake him all the uterus cookies in the world.

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10 Responses to “IVF #2 2WW Blow by Blow”

  1. shinejil Says:

    Ah, the insanity. I hate the craziness that ensues in the 2ww, even for the most grounded of women, if only due to the hormone wackiness of treatment. I read some RE saying he wished he could knock women out from transfer to beta and keep them sedated. That would be the most merciful option…

  2. Mel Says:

    I seriously wish they could provide that option (sleeping through the 2ww). I’m sending a hug; just sitting with you while you wait for the beta.

  3. Nicole Says:

    I am re-living the 2WW from my IVF #2 in December as I read your post. It is no consolation today or even tomorrow, but next week if the outcome is boo, know that there is someone out there who understands what you’re going through.

    In the meantime, lots of love coming your way and good luck for tomorrow!

  4. April Says:

    i swear we are the same person. i even scrolled to the end first to see if there was ever a bfp so i wouldn’t have to be stressed out reading this post.

    fingers crossed for beta. i am really hoping for a bfp!!! (and if it is, you will have to make more uterus cookies and ship them this-a-way so hopefully i will get one, too!!) 🙂

  5. Cara Says:

    I’m still hoping! I’ll check back tomorrow!

  6. 'Murgdan' Says:

    …sitting on the edge of my seat. Would sit with you if I could. Torturous.

  7. Lindsay Says:

    Good luck tomorrow. I’m so very anxious for you! I’m being optimistic (as is my specialty).

  8. samcy Says:

    I hate the bloody 2ww, I’ll still hope that despite all POAS odds that the beta comes back +.

    HUGS
    xxx

  9. Jane G Says:

    Best of luck today!

  10. Krysta Says:

    Pee sticks are so hard to stay away from during the 2WW. I still regret taking one during my first cycle. Still hoping for the best for you today because that negative isn’t for sure yet!


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