August 28, 2008

Confession time.

I procrastinate. A lot. Sometimes with things that I don’t want to do, and sometimes with things that I want to do very much. Work, leisure, obligations, optional activites. You name it, I’ve put it off.

There are lots of times that I get things done right away, or in a normal time frame. But very often, when I do something, I am procrastinating from something else. “Useful procrastination” is one of my tricks for productivity, but sometimes the things that I am putting off keep not getting done.

There have been a few times that procrastination has cost me big. Paying credit card bills after the due date. Missing deadlines. Failing to file paperwork in grad school and having to pay extra tuition (boy oh boy, neither DH nor I were happy about that!). I like to think of it as a Procrastination Tax. I’ve gotten better over the years about reducing my tax burden, but I still procrastinate plenty when it doesn’t seem like it will cost me any money.

For a long time after IVF #1 didn’t work out, I put off scheduling my follow-up consultation to plan for IVF #2. At first, I put it off because I was waiting for AF. I wanted to know what the timing of the next cycle would be, so that I would have a sense of the scheduling of the IVF cycle. A post-M/C cycle can be so unpredictable that it seemed more prudent to wait.

Then AF came, and I still didn’t make the appointment.

Not because I was avoiding the next step. I’m quite eager to do IVF #2. Especially now that I’m in a race with my sister-in-law.

I’m also eager to get Dr. Full Steam Ahead’s opinion on what we learned from IVF #1 (he promised that we would learn something) so that we can change the protocol the next time around and maximize our odds.

Frankly, I don’t even know why I kept procrastinating. There were definitely some days that I didn’t think to call until after the office had closed. But there were other days that I remembered during office hours and made a conscious choice not to call.

Because it confirmed the failure of the last cycle? Because Dr. Full Steam Ahead is probably going to tell me that M/C #2 was a random genetic anomaly and we didn’t learn anything that will cause us to make changes the next time around? Because I am afraid that I will keep having more “genetic anomalies” until he finally declares that there is something else going on? Because I don’t technically have enough money in the bank right now to pay for IVF #2? Because I’m anxious about what the future holds? Because it was fun having several weeks when I wasn’t giving myself injections or inserting progesterone suppositories? (Pretty sad idea of fun!) Because it’s a relief not to think about it for a while?


Finally, when I had waited so long that my procrastination might force me to postpone IVF #2 for an extra month, I made the appointment. Shockingly, for once, he had an open appointment within one week. For once, my procrastination didn’t bite me in the ass.

My appointment is tomorrow.

I’ll let you know what happens.

Don’t bother to wish me luck. I need to save all of the luck for IVF #2.

3 Responses to “Procrastinator”

  1. Nity Says:

    I’m a great procrastinator too. Pulled quite a few late nights writing papers and making deadlines. I get it from my mother who is up packing at 2 am when she is catching a red eye the next day.

    Keep us posted about the apt.

  2. Shaz Says:

    OMW! I read your post about the race with your SIL. I sooo get that. I used to feel the same way till I got fed up of come last all the time. My SIL now has two kids!
    All the best for your appointment tomorrow.

  3. Raggedy Ann Says:

    That sounds like me just before IVF #3. For me it was the fact that we had decided that it would be the last, we were moving on to other options. And also the fact that I couldn’t deal with another failure/loss after 2 miscarriages, 2 ectopic pregnancies, 2 unsuccessful IUI’s and 2 unsuccessful IVF’s. I postponed that treatment as long as I could. I was so prepared for another failure and completely taken by surprise when it was in fact my last treatment because it resulted in a beautiful baby boy, who today is a 7-year-old lad. Good luck!


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