First comes love, then comes marriage

August 16, 2008

DH and I just attended the wedding of one of his friends. Childbearing was mentioned repeatedly throughout the wedding. I realize that it comes up often at weddings (throwing rice, etc.), but not usually this much. In addition to the general “be fruitful” stuff, their immediate plans for the specific number of children desired by the bride was mentioned in the vows and in speeches by two other people. I repeat, it was one of the vows that they would have a specific number of children.

My thought: You idiots! You are setting yourself up for a fall.

Unless someone has a known pre-existing condition or a risk factor like advanced age, it seems like at the time of their weddings, most people never consider that they won’t be able to have exactly the number of children they want at the time they want. I certainly had no idea, but since we got married young and planned to postpone children for several years, we kept all mention of future children out of our wedding.

The odds are that this couple will have no problems (in fact, sadly enough, the odds also indicate that they will get pregnant before I do). But what if the odds are wrong, and they join our IF club? They will be kicking themselves for broadcasting their intentions and then opening the door for the 300 people at their wedding to bother them regularly about when they are going to have kids. Well, 300 minus 2. DH and I will never ask them anything. Members of the IF club know when to keep our mouths shut.

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3 Responses to “First comes love, then comes marriage”

  1. Nity Says:

    Wow. In their vows???

    I think most people (and I was part of it too) assume we’re not going to have trouble getting pregnant. Unless you have PCOS and don’t get regular periods, then you kinda have a heads up… but I digress.

    Of my close friends – 4 have 2 kids each. None of them had trouble getting pregnant (took less than 6 mo), except one who had a miscarriage and then it took a year (at this point she already had 1 child). I think people just assume (rightly) that they aren’t going to have any problems.

    Had I expected problems, I don’t think I would have stayed on BC as long as I did.

    Hope you had fun at the wedding too!!

  2. Star Says:

    Yeah, I remember the time before IF was on my radar screen. I flounced around telling everyone and their mother that I wanted four kids. Thank the goddess I have a rather small circle and that none of them are particularly nosy with the exception of my MIL. Now whenever I hear anyone say anything that assumes that they will have children, my eyes get really big and I think to myself, “they shouldn’t tempt fate like that.” But that perspective was only borne of the wisdom that comes from experience.

  3. Adena Says:

    So funny that they talked about numbers of kids at their WEDDING! Weddings are kind of silly, anyway… all that talk about love and stuff… Has nothing to do with the day-to-day struggles of being married… Just like getting pregnant and having a baby is nothing like the day-to-day struggles of being a parent…


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