When are you due?

July 31, 2008

A coworker recently mentioned that although she has never been pregnant, more than once she has heard the question, “When are you due?” It’s completely rude to say that to anyone, but this coworker happens to be on the slim side of normal. In her case, in addition to being rude, the question is just strange.

Today, I saw someone whose name I’ve heard but whom I’ve never met or seen in person before. She looks about eight months pregnant. She is also overweight. I have no idea if she is pregnant or if she always has a large abdomen. She doesn’t walk like a pregnant woman, but if I’m misjudging the pregnancy’s timing (if indeed there is a pregnancy to time), it could just be too early for the pregnancy waddle. I may be very curious, but I would never ever ever ask her if she was pregnant.

I don’t diet and I never have. However, since I started injectibles this spring I have been watching my weight to avoid weight gain. During that first cycle, I felt like I gained 15 pounds. The scale didn’t say that I’d gained any weight, but there was decidedly more fat on the part of my abdomen that happens to be directly over my uterus. That area normally has relatively less fat than other parts of my stomach. I didn’t enjoy that puffiness, but at least it wasn’t bump-shaped.

My vigilance to avoid weight gain comes out of two places: my concern that if I do become pregnant, I don’t want to show too early in case of miscarriage; and my concern that someone will ask me if I am pregnant when I am not. Often I am teetering on the brink of emotional stability, and a question like that is enough to push me over the edge.

It has to be even worse for people in the public eye. Eva Longoria, for example, is constantly the object of pregnancy rumors whenever she gains a couple of pounds. She keeps having to deny the rumors, explaining that she has been gaining weight because she’s not starving herself like she usually does. If she’s not TTC, the speculations are merely insulting. If she is TTC and has been unsuccessful, the speculations would be heart-wrenching.

A message to the jerks of the world: Hey, jerks, you can wonder and speculate to yourselves all you want, but stop asking us if we are pregnant (or writing articles about your speculations). No woman needs to have her expanding abdomen pointed out. Rather than asking, just wait a couple of months and see if we announce any news, or wait 9 months and see if any babies pop out.


2 Responses to “When are you due?”

  1. Marie Says:

    very well said! I have gained fertility weight and I tell gotta tell ya, it is way worse than getting rid of baby weight. Plus the cookies are extra yummy for some reason.

  2. Annie Says:

    oh, I hear you! I remember with my one pregnancy that actually lasted past the first trimester, people started patting my belly right away and saying I was already showing. I wanted to say, “Um, actually you are just jiggling my fat roll, but thanks!”

    (thanks for the comment on my blog!)

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