Unfortunantly, our our society ignorance is so widespread on this topic. I personally think if they haven’t been in our shoes they shouldn’t have an opinion. Many have one and voice it WAY too loudly. Hence the reason insurance laws are SOOOOO dreadfully behind.

I think a lot has to do with how public a figure you (and your husband) are or would become. If you are famous actors, or very public political figures, I could see how you would want to limit the publicity, and I could see how someone might ferret out this blog.

I currently keep my blogs unlisted and unsearchable, I believe, so unless someone knows me through my online connections – the boards where I post or the blogs where I comment, or places like ICLW where I list my anonymous blog, they would not likely find me. But then again, at this time, I’m not sure anyone is looking!

Good luck on your decision.

We didn’t tell anyone except my 3 closest friends that we were TTC. Now that we’re pregnant, we’ve been open about how we got here. Our hand was somewhat forced since we’re having triplets, but we still could have lied about it, I suppose. For as open as I’ve been about it and how often I’ve said people can ask me anything, they really haven’t and I’m a little surprised and disappointed by that. I was hoping to be able to educate people about the reality of IF, what it’s like and how many people are affected because odds are everyone knows someone dealing with this. That said, I still resent it when someone asks me if the pregnancy/babies are “natural”.

Not knowing the medium or format your DH works in, is there a way you can come to a compromise on what he will share and what he won’t? I think the way to avoid the most ignorant comments is to share the info in such a way that people can relate to as much of the story as possible, even if they didn’t experience IF themselves. For example, starting the story with the boy-meets-girl standard of falling in love, getting married, having fun for a couple years while thinking they’d just get pregnant when they decided they were ready. Then starting to TTC, all excited every month, only to be disappointed every month. Most people should be able to relate to that part and (hopefully) be guided into empathy when the story doesn’t work out as anticipated.

I’ve been pretty open IRL about my m/c and trouble TTC #2, until the last failed pregnancy. Something has changed…all of a sudden, I don’t feel like explaining my situation anymore. It’s weird.

That being said, until this last failure, I’ve always thought that if my story helped one person, it was worth telling.

I guess I’m not much help.

Josh also outed us by doing something similar. He was introducing a film about IF at a film festival and he said something along the lines of, “this is obviously important to me because my wife and I are experiencing infertility.” And I thought it was very brave. It wasn’t planned, it just felt right for him to admit it to the audience. But I thought it was brave.

The second part is a hard one. We were joking a few weeks ago about whether we’d participate in a reality show if it meant free IVF cycles and the answer is no. It’s not a medium that is comfortable for me–television–and I think that’s the big difference. I am comfortable with words and writing/I’m not comfortable with publicly appearances and cameras. So…that outing would be more painful for me because it stretches me beyond my emotional safety zone.

Personally, I think I’d be more open to being “out” publicly in a few years when my IF journey is “over.” (As I’m encountering secondary infertility, I know in a few years we’ll either have another child, or we will have moved on to only having our daughter…as we know that finance-wise we cannot ttc via IVF treatments for an extended time frame for another child.)

As others have said, during the time of TTC, it is too personal for me to share. (Also, I teach 8th grade and don’t need my personal business to be available to students.) I believe that after the TTC part of my journey is over, it would be easier for me to emotionally handle sharing information with others. (I hope this is making sense…)

Best of luck to you and your DH as you continue on your journey together.

*ICLW*

But the other side of it is that infertility really is this dirty little secret. Nobody wants to talk about it. I’ve tried to be more open about our experiences, and I’m often shocked at how many people come forward and say they’ve gone through IF as well — it seems like half the people I tell have had similar experiences.

I don’t have any answers for you, but I hope you and your husband can come to an agreement that you are both comfortable with.

I have to agree with a previous poster. Its too hard for me to “come out” and be “outspoken” (of course unless its on the INTERNET) when I’m still struggling to cross over into that magical land known as live birth and parenting. I couldn’t do it. No matter how much I loved that person.

I “would” do it, if I were a success story and our family was complete. Because then I would be at peace, and not angry, bitter, desperate and everything I am right now. Because then I could pass on all those horrid emotions, but also HOPE.

A toughie!

*ICLW*

I guess the main thing is that is a decision that belongs to both of you, and I guess being on the sme page is kind of, uh, very important before ‘coming out’.

If you’re not out at all in real life, going public like that sounds very extreme, what with all the vulnerability that goes with it. I’d have a hard time being ‘public’ if I didn’t have support from friends and family first. But of course, having people ‘not get it’ comes with the territory as well when we start to open up…

(Sorry if tthis comment sounds arse-vicey!!)

It’s such a personal decision. Going public might not be right for you now, but maybe in the future. Good luck making the right choice for you and your family.
*HUGS*

I understand and agree with where your husband is coming from with this request, but in the end, it’s about what you feel comfortable with.

Last year, my best friend was approached by her city’s leaders and asked to run for Mayor. Her husband wasn’t on board and neither was her mother, so she turned it down even though she would make a very, very good mayor. The thing is these are decisions that are best made within the family.

Also, you might want to think about holding off on the decision. I know you’re not as generally anxious as I am, but I think that I’ve been emotionally different in every trimester. And one of the things I regret most is volunteering myself for third trimester activities (like working up until my due date) in my earlier trimesters, when I really didn’t know how I’d be feeling right now.

I’ve been dealing with a lot more fear for my baby’s well-being in the third trimester, and though I am happy to be out with my friends and blog readers, I don’t think I would volunteer to be a face for the movement until AFTER the baby is born and I’m fully settled into a routine.

Seriously think about what’s going to be the least stressful path for you right now, and don’t be afraid to say “Maybe later.” Now might not be the best time to make decisions like these.

In fact, a year and a half ago, I was one of the bloggers interviewed (and photographed!) for a newspaper article in the Globe and Mail and I was honoured to participate. And last week at my baby shower at work, a co-worker came to me and said, “I heard that you and your husband struggled with infertility. Maybe you can help my sister…?” And then there is the receptionist at the local IF clinic who drove over 5 hours to another clinic in another city for treatment because she didn’t want her co-workers to know that they were struggling. So you see, there ARE things we can do to help. And if my “coming out” (so to speak) helps even one person, it’s well worth it to me.

Good luck in making that decision. I wish you all the best as you determine what’s right for you.

Because of his requests, I have stayed somewhat cloaked. As time passed, he has become a little more comfortable, but we still agree that our children’s privacy must not be compromised.

Would it be possible for your husband to set up an alter-ego?

It is somewhat empowering to have the information coming straight from you. Even though people will criticize and question and come up with their own versions of the truth – at least you have a platform from which to (try to) correct and educate them.

Anyway, all this is to say that I think it’s worth considering “coming out of the closet.” It’s hard, for sure, but some times its actually easier to be open in a larger, more public forum than it is to be open with, say, my mom. As for your blog, would you ever consider making it non-google-able?